Lilacs in bloom are undeniably beautiful, beautiful and fragrant, too. We planted two in Jordan's honor, a white one and a purple one. He wrote that they were his favorite flowers, and I am so hoping that, henceforth, they will bring an air of anticipation, and even gladness, to our May mourning. Regrettably, May is now behind us, and the dreaded month of June has arrived, the first of many months that we will have to live without Jordan. We miss him beyond all imagining. Life hurts without him here, and, after three interminable weeks, we wonder if we will ever be free, while in the flesh, of this megalithic pain. No matter where we go, on a picnic, to the farmers market, for a driving lesson, to plant vegetable seeds in the garden, pain silently, unrelentingly waits behind the door to deal its crushing blow. It stealthily hides in the words of formerly favorite hymns, making attendance at church a risky venture. Even though I believe that lilacs are beautiful, that the resurrection will be joyful, that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true, my heart still aches, and tears still fall. I am convinced that God showered us with small- and medium-sized blessings throughout this fiery trial (mostly through the kindness of others), but I am still scorched and singed from the heat, praying for relief.
I've promised Brianna that I will protect her privacy, so nothing regarding her experiences will be written without her approval. Naturally, all who care for us and who have provided such loyal support are interested in her circumstances. Rest assured that we love Brianna like a daughter, and we will do everything in our power to sustain and befriend her, and to see her restored to happiness. May God bless us all, writer and readers, and may we all find perfect peace that lasts!
Martha's lilacs
