D&C 122:7 "...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." But I have enough experience! How could this possibly be for anyone's good! I FEEL B A D, not at all good!
Nevertheless, we kept on going through the motions of living, with questions steadily mounting. For example, during the past month, Brianna has begun the CNA class, studying diligently, almost tirelessly, enjoys quizzing me from her class notes, and has recently been able to accept a couple of invitations for outings with a friend she and Jordan made while in the hospital. July found me poring over the scriptures in search of peace, quietly observing my birthday, feeling bored, with little to look forward to, giving my emotions a strenuous workout by swinging from hope to despair multiple times each day. On 7/29, we visited the open house of the Twin Falls temple, and nearby Shoshone falls. I accepted, and Brianna declined, an invitation by the Hobsons to attend next week's ward camp out at beautiful Ponderosa state park in McCall, ID, something I've always wanted to do, but was uncertain of how to accomplish. I'm still uneasy about how it will all play out, but I am so exquisitely weary of living a nothing-happening life, that I have resolved to go despite my fears! Later in the month, Shane, our youngest son, embarks upon his final year of high school, and Dan and I celebrate our 35th anniversary. Isn't that enough experience, dear Father, I ask. I could use more excitement, but hold, please hold, the experience.
I had an amazing change of heart today. Elders Beheshti and Canold came by. They sat and talked with me for awhile, and brought hope, and answers to many of my fervent, known-only=-to-God-and-me prayers. They did it with the help of the Holy Spirit, the scriptures, and a blessing that I lacked the courage to ask for even though I knew I was desperately longing for. I am so grateful they offered. For the first time in what feels like years, although it's only been weeks, I feel happy. I think I may truly be able to be happy again!
As for experience, at last I can see that I am learning, changing, becoming closer to the person I need to become. I also see the Savior differently. He is kinder, wiser, more loving, compassionate, courageous, and powerful than I previously understood! Expperience, teach me. I am now thy willing and attentive student.
Heb. 12: 10-11 "For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeththe peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby."
Yes, big questions remain. I will cling to and trust in God's plan of happiness with all my might, and continue to search and learn from His holy word.
Nevertheless, we kept on going through the motions of living, with questions steadily mounting. For example, during the past month, Brianna has begun the CNA class, studying diligently, almost tirelessly, enjoys quizzing me from her class notes, and has recently been able to accept a couple of invitations for outings with a friend she and Jordan made while in the hospital. July found me poring over the scriptures in search of peace, quietly observing my birthday, feeling bored, with little to look forward to, giving my emotions a strenuous workout by swinging from hope to despair multiple times each day. On 7/29, we visited the open house of the Twin Falls temple, and nearby Shoshone falls. I accepted, and Brianna declined, an invitation by the Hobsons to attend next week's ward camp out at beautiful Ponderosa state park in McCall, ID, something I've always wanted to do, but was uncertain of how to accomplish. I'm still uneasy about how it will all play out, but I am so exquisitely weary of living a nothing-happening life, that I have resolved to go despite my fears! Later in the month, Shane, our youngest son, embarks upon his final year of high school, and Dan and I celebrate our 35th anniversary. Isn't that enough experience, dear Father, I ask. I could use more excitement, but hold, please hold, the experience.
I had an amazing change of heart today. Elders Beheshti and Canold came by. They sat and talked with me for awhile, and brought hope, and answers to many of my fervent, known-only=-to-God-and-me prayers. They did it with the help of the Holy Spirit, the scriptures, and a blessing that I lacked the courage to ask for even though I knew I was desperately longing for. I am so grateful they offered. For the first time in what feels like years, although it's only been weeks, I feel happy. I think I may truly be able to be happy again!
As for experience, at last I can see that I am learning, changing, becoming closer to the person I need to become. I also see the Savior differently. He is kinder, wiser, more loving, compassionate, courageous, and powerful than I previously understood! Expperience, teach me. I am now thy willing and attentive student.
Heb. 12: 10-11 "For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeththe peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby."
Yes, big questions remain. I will cling to and trust in God's plan of happiness with all my might, and continue to search and learn from His holy word.
