Good tidings of great joy! The missing peace is found. I will have super weeks again. I am no longer lost and unsure of what I'm supposed to be doing. I couldn't, in good conscience, keep this unexpected blessing to myself any longer!
We had wonderful news this week when Brianna had the interview we've waited so long for,, and was granted lawful permanet residency in the United States. Other blessings: My friend, Karen, helped me find and decorate a cheerful little Christmas tree for our home, and shop for gifts, which she then wrapped for me, for I am a notoriously bad wrapper. A few Christmas cards have begun trickling in, and we're preparing to mail out a few of our own. Colin received his letter of acceptance from Boise State University and will begin his studies in Jan. Brianna will most likely begin working toward a nursing degree in May. Shane is doing wellin school, wrestling, and life, and he achieved the Eagle rank this fall. Dan and Colin and I attended Shane's choir concert and were touched by the festive and the sacred music alike. The Hallelujah Chorus was positively stirring! Colin sang a hauntingly beautiful duet with our friend, Evan Darrington, tonight at the churchChristmas party, O Come, O Come, Immanuel, and as always, hearing one of my sons sing, put a glow in my heart. We're anticipating a visit from Ethan, Missy, and family for Christmas, and all our sons and their families are well. In short, the peace I thought I might never find is here in abundance.
Merry Christmas, my friends.Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Till We Meet
Thank you for the support you've given us throughout the past months. Your comments, contact of all kinds, faith and prayers were a great source of encouragement to us.By keeping us connected and united in Jordan's behalf, this blog fulfilled its purpose well, and is now complete.
Jordan lives on in another sphere, the spirit world, a place we'll each inhabit after this life while we await our final judgment and resurrection, and assignment to one of the three degrees of heavenly glory, the celestial, terrestrial, or telestial kingdom. Brianna is working as a CNA, and spending most of her spare time studying and practicing yoga, with a view toward teaching it at some point. As for me, I'm presently a little lost, not certain of what I'm supposed to be doing, seeking answers, but determined to keep the faith.
I'll continue to check this last post for comments or questions periodically, and reply as needed. People we've never met happen by once in awhile, and I'd like you to know that you're also welcome to leave quesstions or comments. May God be with us always, and may we be with Him.
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heav'nly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
Jordan lives on in another sphere, the spirit world, a place we'll each inhabit after this life while we await our final judgment and resurrection, and assignment to one of the three degrees of heavenly glory, the celestial, terrestrial, or telestial kingdom. Brianna is working as a CNA, and spending most of her spare time studying and practicing yoga, with a view toward teaching it at some point. As for me, I'm presently a little lost, not certain of what I'm supposed to be doing, seeking answers, but determined to keep the faith.
I'll continue to check this last post for comments or questions periodically, and reply as needed. People we've never met happen by once in awhile, and I'd like you to know that you're also welcome to leave quesstions or comments. May God be with us always, and may we be with Him.
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heav'nly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
This Day Is One of Those
Mulling over for hours what to post, it took me awhile to settle on anything. How do you say life is as hard as nails without sounding like you're soaking in selfpity and seeking for sympathy? On the other hand, what if you aren't willing to pretend that everything is fine, that you've smoothly moved on with your life and that your heart isn't broken? I can do that in casual conversation, but I can't do it here. I won't expose my battered soul to view, but neither will I create a false impression of peaceful acceptance. I want to leave a true record of this harrowing trial behind me. Maybe it will be of use to someone else along the way.
Someone wished me a super week today. Super week?! My super weeks are over! That doesn't mean we don't laugh and look for ways to have fun around here, but expecting "super" is beyond the realm of possibilitty. Life is not letting us off the hook for a minute. Both good and bad continue to come our way, demanding patience, forbearance, and time spent in pleading for heaven's healing and guidance. My sister, Julie, shared the observation with me that I have an increased spiritual sensitivity since Jordan's departure. The Holy Spirit, and the unwelcome spirit of the adversary, have been close by at times, and I have had to consciously cling to the one, and decisively dismiss the other. An energy-sapping task, this. I found that this song penned by Michael McLean, and sung by (looking for artists' name) aptly describes the constantly shifting landscape of my life.
(Partial lyrics to "This Day Is One of Those."
There will be days so sweet
Blossoming like a rose;
There will be days complete
Where happiness overflows,
With everyone you meet a friendship grows.
You'll know on that day, you'll hear yourself say,
This day is one of those.
There will be days so tough
You'll wonder why you chose
Taking a path so rough, and trusting that heaven knows.
And when you've had enough
Of climbing the rocky roads,
You'll know on that day, you'll hear yourself say,
This day was one of those.
There'll be days that you feel you could just do without,
Other days that you want more of.
Days of answers and hope, days of questions and doubt,
Days when you never knew you were loved.
There will be days you swear God's inspiration flows,
There will be days in prayer you ask Him why it goes,
There will be days He cares more than you suppose,
This day is one of....
This day is one of those.
See you in November. May God bless us all.
Someone wished me a super week today. Super week?! My super weeks are over! That doesn't mean we don't laugh and look for ways to have fun around here, but expecting "super" is beyond the realm of possibilitty. Life is not letting us off the hook for a minute. Both good and bad continue to come our way, demanding patience, forbearance, and time spent in pleading for heaven's healing and guidance. My sister, Julie, shared the observation with me that I have an increased spiritual sensitivity since Jordan's departure. The Holy Spirit, and the unwelcome spirit of the adversary, have been close by at times, and I have had to consciously cling to the one, and decisively dismiss the other. An energy-sapping task, this. I found that this song penned by Michael McLean, and sung by (looking for artists' name) aptly describes the constantly shifting landscape of my life.
(Partial lyrics to "This Day Is One of Those."
There will be days so sweet
Blossoming like a rose;
There will be days complete
Where happiness overflows,
With everyone you meet a friendship grows.
You'll know on that day, you'll hear yourself say,
This day is one of those.
There will be days so tough
You'll wonder why you chose
Taking a path so rough, and trusting that heaven knows.
And when you've had enough
Of climbing the rocky roads,
You'll know on that day, you'll hear yourself say,
This day was one of those.
There'll be days that you feel you could just do without,
Other days that you want more of.
Days of answers and hope, days of questions and doubt,
Days when you never knew you were loved.
There will be days you swear God's inspiration flows,
There will be days in prayer you ask Him why it goes,
There will be days He cares more than you suppose,
This day is one of....
This day is one of those.
See you in November. May God bless us all.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Choosing the Right
Words! This is the week I've set for myself to choose the right headstone and epitaph for my precious Jordan. It's been on my mind for months, but until now I haven't felt a sense of urgency about it. It's here now though, so the search is on! I had a momentary pang of conscience for turning to the internet for inspiration, then I realized that that's exactly what Jordan would have done.. I even considered having the headstone resemble a widescreen monitor, but quickly dropped that idea.
So, about epitaphs. I haven't yet found the right one, but I have found quite a few wrong ones. For example, what on earth does this mean?
What lies behind him and what lies before him are tiny matters compared to what lied within him
And this one's kind of nice:
God could not have made earthly ties so strong to break them in eternity
Nice, but it's not exactly what I'm looking for. I'll know it when I find it, and it will be ready for placement by mid November, when Colin's home from his two-year church mission.
So, about epitaphs. I haven't yet found the right one, but I have found quite a few wrong ones. For example, what on earth does this mean?
What lies behind him and what lies before him are tiny matters compared to what lied within him
And this one's kind of nice:
God could not have made earthly ties so strong to break them in eternity
Nice, but it's not exactly what I'm looking for. I'll know it when I find it, and it will be ready for placement by mid November, when Colin's home from his two-year church mission.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Experience
D&C 122:7 "...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." But I have enough experience! How could this possibly be for anyone's good! I FEEL B A D, not at all good!
Nevertheless, we kept on going through the motions of living, with questions steadily mounting. For example, during the past month, Brianna has begun the CNA class, studying diligently, almost tirelessly, enjoys quizzing me from her class notes, and has recently been able to accept a couple of invitations for outings with a friend she and Jordan made while in the hospital. July found me poring over the scriptures in search of peace, quietly observing my birthday, feeling bored, with little to look forward to, giving my emotions a strenuous workout by swinging from hope to despair multiple times each day. On 7/29, we visited the open house of the Twin Falls temple, and nearby Shoshone falls. I accepted, and Brianna declined, an invitation by the Hobsons to attend next week's ward camp out at beautiful Ponderosa state park in McCall, ID, something I've always wanted to do, but was uncertain of how to accomplish. I'm still uneasy about how it will all play out, but I am so exquisitely weary of living a nothing-happening life, that I have resolved to go despite my fears! Later in the month, Shane, our youngest son, embarks upon his final year of high school, and Dan and I celebrate our 35th anniversary. Isn't that enough experience, dear Father, I ask. I could use more excitement, but hold, please hold, the experience.
I had an amazing change of heart today. Elders Beheshti and Canold came by. They sat and talked with me for awhile, and brought hope, and answers to many of my fervent, known-only=-to-God-and-me prayers. They did it with the help of the Holy Spirit, the scriptures, and a blessing that I lacked the courage to ask for even though I knew I was desperately longing for. I am so grateful they offered. For the first time in what feels like years, although it's only been weeks, I feel happy. I think I may truly be able to be happy again!
As for experience, at last I can see that I am learning, changing, becoming closer to the person I need to become. I also see the Savior differently. He is kinder, wiser, more loving, compassionate, courageous, and powerful than I previously understood! Expperience, teach me. I am now thy willing and attentive student.
Heb. 12: 10-11 "For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeththe peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby."
Yes, big questions remain. I will cling to and trust in God's plan of happiness with all my might, and continue to search and learn from His holy word.
Nevertheless, we kept on going through the motions of living, with questions steadily mounting. For example, during the past month, Brianna has begun the CNA class, studying diligently, almost tirelessly, enjoys quizzing me from her class notes, and has recently been able to accept a couple of invitations for outings with a friend she and Jordan made while in the hospital. July found me poring over the scriptures in search of peace, quietly observing my birthday, feeling bored, with little to look forward to, giving my emotions a strenuous workout by swinging from hope to despair multiple times each day. On 7/29, we visited the open house of the Twin Falls temple, and nearby Shoshone falls. I accepted, and Brianna declined, an invitation by the Hobsons to attend next week's ward camp out at beautiful Ponderosa state park in McCall, ID, something I've always wanted to do, but was uncertain of how to accomplish. I'm still uneasy about how it will all play out, but I am so exquisitely weary of living a nothing-happening life, that I have resolved to go despite my fears! Later in the month, Shane, our youngest son, embarks upon his final year of high school, and Dan and I celebrate our 35th anniversary. Isn't that enough experience, dear Father, I ask. I could use more excitement, but hold, please hold, the experience.
I had an amazing change of heart today. Elders Beheshti and Canold came by. They sat and talked with me for awhile, and brought hope, and answers to many of my fervent, known-only=-to-God-and-me prayers. They did it with the help of the Holy Spirit, the scriptures, and a blessing that I lacked the courage to ask for even though I knew I was desperately longing for. I am so grateful they offered. For the first time in what feels like years, although it's only been weeks, I feel happy. I think I may truly be able to be happy again!
As for experience, at last I can see that I am learning, changing, becoming closer to the person I need to become. I also see the Savior differently. He is kinder, wiser, more loving, compassionate, courageous, and powerful than I previously understood! Expperience, teach me. I am now thy willing and attentive student.
Heb. 12: 10-11 "For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeththe peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby."
Yes, big questions remain. I will cling to and trust in God's plan of happiness with all my might, and continue to search and learn from His holy word.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
All Is Well
I don't think I'll go quite that far, but I guess I can say a few things are well. Brianna will begin a CNA (certified nursing assistant) course later this month. She's put a lot of mileage on her new pink bicycle, and she's made Thai food for the family a couple of times from a cookbook she purchased. Today, she tried her hand at wonton soup with great success. And thanks to her, we've found that sliced cucumbers are a great addition to the wok when stir-frying, and that watermelon juice is delish.
I finally got my FISH analysis results from the big appointment with Dr. Byrd last Jan. According to his recommendations, I should be heading off for a stem cell transplant in the next little while since it showed I do indeed have the 17p deletion. I'll meet with the local guy to discuss it in the fall. Allogeneic SCT's aren't offered in this state. I'd have to relocate to a willing victim's home for several months, most likely with my sister Julie in Utah. Jordan's patience and courage are definitely an example to me, but there are other considerations. Right now, it's all we can do to cope with Jordan's too-soon journey to what feels like a very distant land.
5/7/09: I decided some time ago that there will be no SCT for this CLL (chronic lymphocytic leukemia).
We made a trip to WA in June, visiting with Dan's brother and sisters, and Ethan and Missy, and families. Bittersweet...we had wanted to go much earlier, for other reasons. Still and all, we're grateful to have been there. Family relationships are worth traveling, writing, phoning, emailing, and doing whatever it takes (maybe even forgiving and overlooking), to preserve! (In most circumstances, that is.)
Better than a visit from St. Nick, was last week's visit from Julie, Liz, and adorable nieces, Erin and Lily.
I finally got my FISH analysis results from the big appointment with Dr. Byrd last Jan. According to his recommendations, I should be heading off for a stem cell transplant in the next little while since it showed I do indeed have the 17p deletion. I'll meet with the local guy to discuss it in the fall. Allogeneic SCT's aren't offered in this state. I'd have to relocate to a willing victim's home for several months, most likely with my sister Julie in Utah. Jordan's patience and courage are definitely an example to me, but there are other considerations. Right now, it's all we can do to cope with Jordan's too-soon journey to what feels like a very distant land.
5/7/09: I decided some time ago that there will be no SCT for this CLL (chronic lymphocytic leukemia).
We made a trip to WA in June, visiting with Dan's brother and sisters, and Ethan and Missy, and families. Bittersweet...we had wanted to go much earlier, for other reasons. Still and all, we're grateful to have been there. Family relationships are worth traveling, writing, phoning, emailing, and doing whatever it takes (maybe even forgiving and overlooking), to preserve! (In most circumstances, that is.)
Better than a visit from St. Nick, was last week's visit from Julie, Liz, and adorable nieces, Erin and Lily.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
First and Last
Lilacs in bloom are undeniably beautiful, beautiful and fragrant, too. We planted two in Jordan's honor, a white one and a purple one. He wrote that they were his favorite flowers, and I am so hoping that, henceforth, they will bring an air of anticipation, and even gladness, to our May mourning. Regrettably, May is now behind us, and the dreaded month of June has arrived, the first of many months that we will have to live without Jordan. We miss him beyond all imagining. Life hurts without him here, and, after three interminable weeks, we wonder if we will ever be free, while in the flesh, of this megalithic pain. No matter where we go, on a picnic, to the farmers market, for a driving lesson, to plant vegetable seeds in the garden, pain silently, unrelentingly waits behind the door to deal its crushing blow. It stealthily hides in the words of formerly favorite hymns, making attendance at church a risky venture. Even though I believe that lilacs are beautiful, that the resurrection will be joyful, that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true, my heart still aches, and tears still fall. I am convinced that God showered us with small- and medium-sized blessings throughout this fiery trial (mostly through the kindness of others), but I am still scorched and singed from the heat, praying for relief.
I've promised Brianna that I will protect her privacy, so nothing regarding her experiences will be written without her approval. Naturally, all who care for us and who have provided such loyal support are interested in her circumstances. Rest assured that we love Brianna like a daughter, and we will do everything in our power to sustain and befriend her, and to see her restored to happiness. May God bless us all, writer and readers, and may we all find perfect peace that lasts!
I've promised Brianna that I will protect her privacy, so nothing regarding her experiences will be written without her approval. Naturally, all who care for us and who have provided such loyal support are interested in her circumstances. Rest assured that we love Brianna like a daughter, and we will do everything in our power to sustain and befriend her, and to see her restored to happiness. May God bless us all, writer and readers, and may we all find perfect peace that lasts!
Martha's lilacs
Monday, May 19, 2008
The Service
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
Bilbo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
Frodo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings
A new road or a secret gate
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
Frodo Baggins, The Lord of the Rings
"And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow. "
Alma 40:12
Memorial Service for
Jordan McKay Washburn
Jordan McKay Washburn
Conducting: Bishop Christopher Coltrin Organist: Karma Elsworth
Chorister: Erin Taylor
Welcome ___________________________________ Bishop Coltrin
Opening Hymn ______________ #299 Children of Our Heavenly Father
Invocation ________________________________ Blaine Washburn
Memories of Jordan by his brothers:
Ethan Washburn ------------Neil Washburn
Kimball Washburn--------------Colin Washburn
Greg Washburn------------ Shane Washburn
Greg Washburn------------ Shane Washburn
Music ____________________________________ Evan Darrington
"Our Savior's Love"
Speaker ___________________________________Kirtland Naylor
Closing Hymn __________________ #286 Oh, What Songs of the Heart
Benediction ______________________________ Jonathon Washburn
Pallbearers: Ethan Washburn, Kimball Washburn, Greg Washburn,
Neil Washburn, Shane Washburn, Daniel A. Washburn
Honorary Pallbearers: Daniel E. Washburn, Colin Washburn, Rob Washburn,
Alan Washburn, Clifford Washburn, Cordell Washburn
Dedication of Grave _________________________ Kimball Washburn
Jordan McKay Washburn was born in Moses Lake, Washington, March 16, 1982. The fifth son of Daniel E. and Bonnie Washburn. He graduated from Royal High School in Royal City, Washington in 2000, served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints from 2001 to 2003 in the Philippines San Pablo Mission. He attended college at Brigham Young University and Boise State University. Jordan went to China in 2006 where he met and married Brianna (Zhou Xiu Qiong). They returned to the states in December 2007 to seek medical treatment for Jordan.
Jordan is survived by his wife Brianna, parents Dan and Bonnie Washburn, brothers Ethan(Missy), Kimball(Jessica), Greg(Lesley), Neil(Penny), Colin, and Shane.
Interment: Morris Hill Cemetery in Boise, Idaho.
The Speaker
Jordan McKay Washburn
March 16, 1982 - May 10, 2008
Kirtland G. Naylor
Jordan Washburn, in his very short life, managed to influence many people and make us smile. He seemed quiet at first introduction, but loved to converse, even debate. He wasn’t much for mindless small talk, but found a way to engage you in a thoughtful discussion.
One learns of the true nature and personality of a life from the patterns of his personality he displayed. I have read emails from friends, missionary companions, and co-workers, and they all recognized the same characteristics in Jordan: he was a friend to all, unique in his service, and loyal. One companion noted that Jordan "had his own way of doing things, and after he would have me analyze with him, I would see that his way was correct (most of the time)." Another said, "He was quick to point out new ways of thinking that had never occurred to a mind as narrow as mine. I guess I can say that he was a good person and that made him an influential missionary. Simple as they are, those are two of the highest compliments I can offer anyone I have met in this life."
His first companion in the Philippines commented, "[With Elder Washburn,] I never worked so hard or laughed so much. It was awesome to see him learn and grow as a new missionary. What a wonderful missionary he was. I am truly grateful for the opportunity I had to serve with him."
Another companion from the bushland of New Zealand, spoke of how Jordan taught him to have a little giggle every so often, but also that when it was time to work, they worked. He said, "and by jingo’s could he move! That walking pace of his was often blistering, but I soon learnt to keep up–barely." He continued, "Anyone who has sat with him and talked about anything will have noticed his amazing ability to think outside the square and make even the most tedious of topics seem ever so interesting. Simply put, there was never a dull moment."
A high school friend confirmed all this with one simple illustration about how Jordan had fun and interacted with strangers. Jordan liked to find guy-girl pairs then challenge them to an arm-wrestling contest. He convinced them to play, lost to the girl (very dramatically), then beat the guy.
A recent Chinese co-worker reported: "Jordan is beloved and virtuous, wherever he goes, he's sure to bring joy and make surrounding people happy. All people knowing Jordan in this company like this friend very much. To me, he's more important, since he's always my bosom friend. Although there's some language barriers when we communicate, this never prevents us from being good friends. I feel more sorry and regretful, since I didn't accompany him through his remaining days. As I retrace the happy times, and then imagine all the pain happening now, there's more feeling about Heaven's unfairness. Why such an excellent person can't own more time to enjoy the life?"
We often question why death occurs, especially when it occurs at a time when the person was still young enough to have apparently many years to share their good works with family and friends. Benjamin Franklin said: "Our friend and we were invited abroad. .... his chair was ready first, and he is gone before us. We could not all conveniently start together; and why should you and I be grieved at this, since we are soon to follow, and know where to find him."
The purpose of this earthly life is best understood when we recognize from where we came, and to where we shall go after this mortal existence.
Before Coming to this world, we lived in the pre-earth-life as spiritual children of our Heavenly Father. As the Apostle Paul taught in his letter to the Hebrews, "Shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?" (Heb. 12:9.) "In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life." (Family Proclamation.) In this pre-earth spiritual life, we recognized that we wanted to come to earth to gain a body and experience this life. We knew that this life would not always be easy, that it could involve physical and mental struggles, and that we might make mistakes along the way; but, we would have the opportunity to experience life's choices--and the freedom to choose.
We then are born to this earth to receive a physical body. The spirit, joined with the body, allows us to experience the physical opportunities and tragedies of mortality, while having the spiritual roots to give us hope, if we will hearken to those spiritual promptings. The spirit does not die, but our physical body will pass away. It is the experiences from this mortal life that we will take with us when we leave. What we do and learn in this life about ourselves and the service we provide to others will not only bless those whom we have touched in this life, but will be a part of us that we carry forward. Each of us, as we honestly evaluate our lives, find within us a struggle between the natural (mortal) state, and the spiritual goodness within us. We find the world pulling us away from Godliness, and that is part of this earthly experience. We could not have learned this without a physical body. It is what we do in this life and the way we share goodness with others that will tell how much we truly follow the teachings of Christ.
One of Jordan’s missionary companions said, "He was one of the happiest, most caring, and loving missionaries I've ever known. He was always seeking to improve the world around him and especially to serve the people he was surrounded by, not only the Filipinos, but the missionaries and anyone--ANYONE--he came in contact with. I was many times the recipient of his unceasing efforts. He was always a joy to be around. I look forward to meeting him again on the other side of the veil!"
Toward the end of his life, as Jordan suffered excruciating pain, he was still tender and caring with those around him. He would be in such pain that he couldn't open his eyes, or move in his hospital bed, but he would ask with such kindness for his wife to hand him some water. I marveled at his patience. I didn't hear him complain, but he suffered with strength.
Another reason we came to this earth was to develop faith in God. We had a veil of forgetfulness placed over our memories of our existence as spiritual children of Our Heavenly Father. We are left in this life to seek after those things of the spirit that will remind us of a God who loves us, His children. When we follow Him and His Son, we come to realize the purpose of this life is to prepare us to meet them and live with them again. Life is a bridge; not to be lingered on, but to pass over quickly. Jordan’s hope and faith led him to do righteous acts that strengthened his faith even more. Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles described it in this way:
Having ultimate hope does not mean we will always be rescued from proximate problems, but we will be rescued from everlasting death! . . . Significantly, those who look forward to a next and better world are usually "anxiously engaged" in improving this one, for they "always abound in good works" (D&C 58:27; Alma 7:24). Thus real hope is much more than wishful musing. It stiffens, not slackens, the spiritual spine. It is composed, not giddy, eager without being naive, and pleasantly steady without being smug. Hope is realistic determination not merely to survive but to "endure . . . well" to the end (D&C 121:8). The "hope in Christ" (Jacob 2:19) of which ancient and modern prophets speak and write is not obtained without sacrifice. But once obtained, it becomes a "well of water springing up into everlasting life." (John 4:14) (October 1994, General Conference.)
What many believe to be happiness in this life does not give us real hope. The material possessions; careers that bring the accolades of man and wealth; and physical beauty are all limited in their duration and enjoyment to this world. Yet, those who remain faithful in their hope of resurrection and exaltation find peace and comfort in the assurance that if they endure, every good thing will be theirs forever. C.S. Lewis said that we do not pray to change God; we pray to change ourselves. The Savior said simply, "Be of good cheer, for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you." (D&C 61:36.)
Before leaving on his mission, I shared with Colin a scripture found in Section 31 of the Doctrine & Covenants concerning missionary service. "Lift up your heart and rejoice for the hour of your mission is come . . , and you shall declare glad tidings of great joy unto this generation. . . .Therefor, thrust in your sickle with all your soul, and your sins are forgiven you, and you shall be laden with sheaves upon your back for the laborer is worthy of his hire. Wherefore, your family shall live" (D&C 31:3 & 5). I explained that I believe this promise is that your family shall live in the gospel, and be spiritually blessed, according to your faithful service.
I can’t explain why Jordan was meant to leave us so soon, but I know his experience brought many closer to God and their faith was strengthened. Colin’s dedicated service in the mission has blessed this family with spiritual strength; perhaps with that which was necessary to not just endure, but to learn from this experience.
Death is the gateway to the next existence that prepares us for the resurrection. Birth brings our spirit together with our body to this life. We know that death is as natural and necessary as birth. As death comes to one we love, there is a sadness in separation. Elder LeGrand Richards said, "The only reason to feel sorrow at the death of a loved one is the temporary loss of friendship privileges." We do miss our loved ones who die, but with God’s perspective, we find sweet peace and joy. Elder Mark E. Petersen said, "Death is a beautiful door into a more beautiful room."
At death, our physical body and spirit are separated. Our bodies await the resurrection, but as is stated in the book of Ecclesiastes: our "spirit shall return unto God who gave it." (Ecc. 12:7.)
A prophet of God has taught this about the spirit world, which follows death:
When you are in the spirit world, everything there will appear as natural as things now do. Spirits will be familiar with spirits in the spirit world--will converse, behold, and exercise every variety of communication with one another as familiarly and naturally as while here in tabernacles. There, as here, all things will be natural, and you will understand them as you now understand natural things. You will there see that those spirits we are speaking of are active; they sleep not. And you will learn that they are striving with all their might--laboring and toiling diligently as any individual would to accomplish an act in this world. We have more friends behind the veil than on this side, and they will hail us more joyfully than you were ever welcomed by your parents and friends in this world. (Brigham Young, Teachings of Presidents, p. 281-282.)
After death, while in the spirit world, we prepare for the resurrection and final judgement. At the resurrection, the spirit and body shall be reunited. "Every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame." (Alma 40:23.) This promise is made possible by the resurrection of Jesus Christ. All mankind shall be resurrected. "Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live." (John 11:25.) We live to die; and we die to live again. (Russell M. Nelson, The Gateway We Call Death, p. 5.)
"Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41.) Someone said, "If I can't win, let me do good in the attempt." I think that Jordan not only won, but he was valiant in the effort and true to his divine design. His life was short here on earth, but its duration in all our lives will be eternal; for he truly touched us in a meaningful way.
Each Life That Touches Ours for Good, Hymn No. 293
Each life that touches ours for good Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord; Thou sendest blessings from above Thru words and deeds of those who love.
What greater gift dost thou bestow, What greater goodness can we know Than Christlike friends, whose gentle waysStrengthen our faith, enrich our days.
When such a friend from us departs,We hold forever in our hearts. A sweet and hallowed memory, Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.
For worthy friends whose lives proclaim Devotion to the Savior’s name, Who bless our days with peace and love, We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.
May we all remember the life, love and laugh that Jordan brought into our lives, and rededicate to reach out to others and share the joy and peace the Gospel brings into our lives. Jordan’s life is yet another testimony of the love of God, His tender mercies, and the blessings of the atonement and resurrection. I testify of these truths, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
March 16, 1982 - May 10, 2008
Kirtland G. Naylor
Jordan Washburn, in his very short life, managed to influence many people and make us smile. He seemed quiet at first introduction, but loved to converse, even debate. He wasn’t much for mindless small talk, but found a way to engage you in a thoughtful discussion.
One learns of the true nature and personality of a life from the patterns of his personality he displayed. I have read emails from friends, missionary companions, and co-workers, and they all recognized the same characteristics in Jordan: he was a friend to all, unique in his service, and loyal. One companion noted that Jordan "had his own way of doing things, and after he would have me analyze with him, I would see that his way was correct (most of the time)." Another said, "He was quick to point out new ways of thinking that had never occurred to a mind as narrow as mine. I guess I can say that he was a good person and that made him an influential missionary. Simple as they are, those are two of the highest compliments I can offer anyone I have met in this life."
His first companion in the Philippines commented, "[With Elder Washburn,] I never worked so hard or laughed so much. It was awesome to see him learn and grow as a new missionary. What a wonderful missionary he was. I am truly grateful for the opportunity I had to serve with him."
Another companion from the bushland of New Zealand, spoke of how Jordan taught him to have a little giggle every so often, but also that when it was time to work, they worked. He said, "and by jingo’s could he move! That walking pace of his was often blistering, but I soon learnt to keep up–barely." He continued, "Anyone who has sat with him and talked about anything will have noticed his amazing ability to think outside the square and make even the most tedious of topics seem ever so interesting. Simply put, there was never a dull moment."
A high school friend confirmed all this with one simple illustration about how Jordan had fun and interacted with strangers. Jordan liked to find guy-girl pairs then challenge them to an arm-wrestling contest. He convinced them to play, lost to the girl (very dramatically), then beat the guy.
A recent Chinese co-worker reported: "Jordan is beloved and virtuous, wherever he goes, he's sure to bring joy and make surrounding people happy. All people knowing Jordan in this company like this friend very much. To me, he's more important, since he's always my bosom friend. Although there's some language barriers when we communicate, this never prevents us from being good friends. I feel more sorry and regretful, since I didn't accompany him through his remaining days. As I retrace the happy times, and then imagine all the pain happening now, there's more feeling about Heaven's unfairness. Why such an excellent person can't own more time to enjoy the life?"
We often question why death occurs, especially when it occurs at a time when the person was still young enough to have apparently many years to share their good works with family and friends. Benjamin Franklin said: "Our friend and we were invited abroad. .... his chair was ready first, and he is gone before us. We could not all conveniently start together; and why should you and I be grieved at this, since we are soon to follow, and know where to find him."
The purpose of this earthly life is best understood when we recognize from where we came, and to where we shall go after this mortal existence.
Before Coming to this world, we lived in the pre-earth-life as spiritual children of our Heavenly Father. As the Apostle Paul taught in his letter to the Hebrews, "Shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?" (Heb. 12:9.) "In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life." (Family Proclamation.) In this pre-earth spiritual life, we recognized that we wanted to come to earth to gain a body and experience this life. We knew that this life would not always be easy, that it could involve physical and mental struggles, and that we might make mistakes along the way; but, we would have the opportunity to experience life's choices--and the freedom to choose.
We then are born to this earth to receive a physical body. The spirit, joined with the body, allows us to experience the physical opportunities and tragedies of mortality, while having the spiritual roots to give us hope, if we will hearken to those spiritual promptings. The spirit does not die, but our physical body will pass away. It is the experiences from this mortal life that we will take with us when we leave. What we do and learn in this life about ourselves and the service we provide to others will not only bless those whom we have touched in this life, but will be a part of us that we carry forward. Each of us, as we honestly evaluate our lives, find within us a struggle between the natural (mortal) state, and the spiritual goodness within us. We find the world pulling us away from Godliness, and that is part of this earthly experience. We could not have learned this without a physical body. It is what we do in this life and the way we share goodness with others that will tell how much we truly follow the teachings of Christ.
One of Jordan’s missionary companions said, "He was one of the happiest, most caring, and loving missionaries I've ever known. He was always seeking to improve the world around him and especially to serve the people he was surrounded by, not only the Filipinos, but the missionaries and anyone--ANYONE--he came in contact with. I was many times the recipient of his unceasing efforts. He was always a joy to be around. I look forward to meeting him again on the other side of the veil!"
Toward the end of his life, as Jordan suffered excruciating pain, he was still tender and caring with those around him. He would be in such pain that he couldn't open his eyes, or move in his hospital bed, but he would ask with such kindness for his wife to hand him some water. I marveled at his patience. I didn't hear him complain, but he suffered with strength.
Another reason we came to this earth was to develop faith in God. We had a veil of forgetfulness placed over our memories of our existence as spiritual children of Our Heavenly Father. We are left in this life to seek after those things of the spirit that will remind us of a God who loves us, His children. When we follow Him and His Son, we come to realize the purpose of this life is to prepare us to meet them and live with them again. Life is a bridge; not to be lingered on, but to pass over quickly. Jordan’s hope and faith led him to do righteous acts that strengthened his faith even more. Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles described it in this way:
Having ultimate hope does not mean we will always be rescued from proximate problems, but we will be rescued from everlasting death! . . . Significantly, those who look forward to a next and better world are usually "anxiously engaged" in improving this one, for they "always abound in good works" (D&C 58:27; Alma 7:24). Thus real hope is much more than wishful musing. It stiffens, not slackens, the spiritual spine. It is composed, not giddy, eager without being naive, and pleasantly steady without being smug. Hope is realistic determination not merely to survive but to "endure . . . well" to the end (D&C 121:8). The "hope in Christ" (Jacob 2:19) of which ancient and modern prophets speak and write is not obtained without sacrifice. But once obtained, it becomes a "well of water springing up into everlasting life." (John 4:14) (October 1994, General Conference.)
What many believe to be happiness in this life does not give us real hope. The material possessions; careers that bring the accolades of man and wealth; and physical beauty are all limited in their duration and enjoyment to this world. Yet, those who remain faithful in their hope of resurrection and exaltation find peace and comfort in the assurance that if they endure, every good thing will be theirs forever. C.S. Lewis said that we do not pray to change God; we pray to change ourselves. The Savior said simply, "Be of good cheer, for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you." (D&C 61:36.)
Before leaving on his mission, I shared with Colin a scripture found in Section 31 of the Doctrine & Covenants concerning missionary service. "Lift up your heart and rejoice for the hour of your mission is come . . , and you shall declare glad tidings of great joy unto this generation. . . .Therefor, thrust in your sickle with all your soul, and your sins are forgiven you, and you shall be laden with sheaves upon your back for the laborer is worthy of his hire. Wherefore, your family shall live" (D&C 31:3 & 5). I explained that I believe this promise is that your family shall live in the gospel, and be spiritually blessed, according to your faithful service.
I can’t explain why Jordan was meant to leave us so soon, but I know his experience brought many closer to God and their faith was strengthened. Colin’s dedicated service in the mission has blessed this family with spiritual strength; perhaps with that which was necessary to not just endure, but to learn from this experience.
Death is the gateway to the next existence that prepares us for the resurrection. Birth brings our spirit together with our body to this life. We know that death is as natural and necessary as birth. As death comes to one we love, there is a sadness in separation. Elder LeGrand Richards said, "The only reason to feel sorrow at the death of a loved one is the temporary loss of friendship privileges." We do miss our loved ones who die, but with God’s perspective, we find sweet peace and joy. Elder Mark E. Petersen said, "Death is a beautiful door into a more beautiful room."
At death, our physical body and spirit are separated. Our bodies await the resurrection, but as is stated in the book of Ecclesiastes: our "spirit shall return unto God who gave it." (Ecc. 12:7.)
A prophet of God has taught this about the spirit world, which follows death:
When you are in the spirit world, everything there will appear as natural as things now do. Spirits will be familiar with spirits in the spirit world--will converse, behold, and exercise every variety of communication with one another as familiarly and naturally as while here in tabernacles. There, as here, all things will be natural, and you will understand them as you now understand natural things. You will there see that those spirits we are speaking of are active; they sleep not. And you will learn that they are striving with all their might--laboring and toiling diligently as any individual would to accomplish an act in this world. We have more friends behind the veil than on this side, and they will hail us more joyfully than you were ever welcomed by your parents and friends in this world. (Brigham Young, Teachings of Presidents, p. 281-282.)
After death, while in the spirit world, we prepare for the resurrection and final judgement. At the resurrection, the spirit and body shall be reunited. "Every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame." (Alma 40:23.) This promise is made possible by the resurrection of Jesus Christ. All mankind shall be resurrected. "Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live." (John 11:25.) We live to die; and we die to live again. (Russell M. Nelson, The Gateway We Call Death, p. 5.)
"Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41.) Someone said, "If I can't win, let me do good in the attempt." I think that Jordan not only won, but he was valiant in the effort and true to his divine design. His life was short here on earth, but its duration in all our lives will be eternal; for he truly touched us in a meaningful way.
Each Life That Touches Ours for Good, Hymn No. 293
Each life that touches ours for good Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord; Thou sendest blessings from above Thru words and deeds of those who love.
What greater gift dost thou bestow, What greater goodness can we know Than Christlike friends, whose gentle waysStrengthen our faith, enrich our days.
When such a friend from us departs,We hold forever in our hearts. A sweet and hallowed memory, Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.
For worthy friends whose lives proclaim Devotion to the Savior’s name, Who bless our days with peace and love, We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.
May we all remember the life, love and laugh that Jordan brought into our lives, and rededicate to reach out to others and share the joy and peace the Gospel brings into our lives. Jordan’s life is yet another testimony of the love of God, His tender mercies, and the blessings of the atonement and resurrection. I testify of these truths, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The Notice
We are both overwhelmed and comforted by your messages in remembrance of Jordan. Thank you for your love and prayers for him and for us. They are returned tenfold.
Please visit the Notice for him here:
http://www.legacy.com/Link.asp?I=LS000109584182X
Please visit the Notice for him here:
http://www.legacy.com/Link.asp?I=LS000109584182X
Sunday, May 11, 2008
To Jordan
Jordan McKay Washburn (March 16, 1982 - May 10, 2008) our hearts overflow with love and longing for you. In heaven, we will hug you once again. Look for us there, we'll join you when our journey on earth is done. We hope to leave a trail of joyful memories behind us just as you did so brilliantly
One of your friends wrote this to you a week ago, and we fully concur:
" We continue to trust in the Lord with all our hearts. Our fervent prayers to Heavenly Father remain unabated. We have the calm assurance you are in the Lord's hands and that He is mindful of you and your wife. The Lord is never surprised by what happens to us, or what we do. He does not cause bad things to happen to us, but He knows when they are coming and stands ready to carry us when we need to be carried. God bless you, our beloved companion. You are truly one of God's chosen sons, and have a great work to do! Regardless of the short term outcome of this battle, you will emerge as the winner!" -G.J.
Love forever and ever,
Your Family
One of your friends wrote this to you a week ago, and we fully concur:
" We continue to trust in the Lord with all our hearts. Our fervent prayers to Heavenly Father remain unabated. We have the calm assurance you are in the Lord's hands and that He is mindful of you and your wife. The Lord is never surprised by what happens to us, or what we do. He does not cause bad things to happen to us, but He knows when they are coming and stands ready to carry us when we need to be carried. God bless you, our beloved companion. You are truly one of God's chosen sons, and have a great work to do! Regardless of the short term outcome of this battle, you will emerge as the winner!" -G.J.
Love forever and ever,
Your Family
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Love Me Tender
Pure bliss: Bonnie cradling Baby Jordan
Sailor boy Jordan, with brothers Ethan, Kimball, Greg, and Neil
Wide-eyed innocence
Monday, May 5, 2008
New Discoveries
Jordan and Brianna came home from the hospital Friday evening. We met the home care nurse, Julie, soon after they'd settled in, and found her to be very warm and reassuring, much nicer than we'd imagined. A week of discussions and decisions, of papers being handed to us that we didn't really want to read, or think about, or sign, had made us apprehensive, even leery, of change. But with our feet setupon this new path, we see that we can walk it, hand in hand, determined to do everything in our power that contributes to Jordan's happiness and comfort. We understand that having kind nurses visit us at home to do blood draws, adjust meds, problem solve, and to contact the docs for us is going to be a great help toward that end, after all. For instance, when he developped a fever late Saturday, it was obvious that it was very taxing for Jordan to have to return to the hospital just past midnight, following a good day and night spent at home enjoying the visits of two of his brothers and their families. Once there, the fever vanished on its own, but he was kept overnight for observation, nevertheless. A nap was the first order of business when we welcomed a very tired Jordan home again early Sunday afternoon. Upon waking from a short rest, he and Brianna went for their first turn about the neighborhood in a wheelchair borrowed from a local service club. Then he watched a little of The Count of Monte Cristo, before resorting to the peace and quiet of their own cozy quarters for the rest of the day.
On Friday, we discovered we were sharing our 1/5 acre with a devoted mallard and her nest full of eggs. Not even the chain saw and leaf blower employed by the man we'd engaged to tame our overgrown honeysuckle vine and misshapen boxwoods, induced her to desert her nestlings. Both young and old watched her with great interest from the large picture window of our living room all the next day, as the downy ducklings eagerly emerged from their shells. Hoping not to alarm her, we tried to keep some distance from the duck family as bread and water were set out for them. We pictured loving eyes looking down from the windows of heaven upon our family, similarly leaving little secret gifts within easy reach, intended for our sustenance and blessing.
Don't duck! Missy captures this family photo.
Aunt Penny braids dandelion garlands for Brooklyn and Lilly.
Our Sunday is sweetened by a surprise "heart attack."
On Friday, we discovered we were sharing our 1/5 acre with a devoted mallard and her nest full of eggs. Not even the chain saw and leaf blower employed by the man we'd engaged to tame our overgrown honeysuckle vine and misshapen boxwoods, induced her to desert her nestlings. Both young and old watched her with great interest from the large picture window of our living room all the next day, as the downy ducklings eagerly emerged from their shells. Hoping not to alarm her, we tried to keep some distance from the duck family as bread and water were set out for them. We pictured loving eyes looking down from the windows of heaven upon our family, similarly leaving little secret gifts within easy reach, intended for our sustenance and blessing.
Don't duck! Missy captures this family photo.
Aunt Penny braids dandelion garlands for Brooklyn and Lilly.
Our Sunday is sweetened by a surprise "heart attack."
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Here We Are
When Jordan was eight years old, his grandpa spent several months in a hospital, located about three hours away from our home. We loaded up the family station wagon three or four times with our then six sons, telling them that we were going to Seattle. On one of our last visits before grandpa was able to return home, two-year-old Colin finally found the words to ask the burning question, "Who's Attle?? :)
For all who have hoped with us that we would See Attle this week, or more specifically, that we would be able to see Dr. Hawkins, we need to let you know that it was necessary to cancel the trip. We did, however, participate in a conference call, which included Jordan, Brianna, both Dr. Zuckerman and Dr. Hawkins, Jordan's parents, and other hospital personnel. It has been recommended, (and much thought and prayer are being given to the recommendation), that it is time to shift to a palliative approach to treatment.
You will be glad to know that the pain is under control once again. We would also like for you to know that we are in awe over Jordan's calm strength, his gentle consideration of Brianna, and all others, and the steady, unfailing courage we see in him each day. Don't discount our admiration for him because he is our beloved Jordan, for many have spoken to us of his remarkable attributes and disposition in the face of this tremendously difficult trial.
For all who have hoped with us that we would See Attle this week, or more specifically, that we would be able to see Dr. Hawkins, we need to let you know that it was necessary to cancel the trip. We did, however, participate in a conference call, which included Jordan, Brianna, both Dr. Zuckerman and Dr. Hawkins, Jordan's parents, and other hospital personnel. It has been recommended, (and much thought and prayer are being given to the recommendation), that it is time to shift to a palliative approach to treatment.
You will be glad to know that the pain is under control once again. We would also like for you to know that we are in awe over Jordan's calm strength, his gentle consideration of Brianna, and all others, and the steady, unfailing courage we see in him each day. Don't discount our admiration for him because he is our beloved Jordan, for many have spoken to us of his remarkable attributes and disposition in the face of this tremendously difficult trial.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
This Is So Jordan: emailed from China on 3/21/2007
NOTE: Briannas answer will be first, Jordans answer second.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:15am / 10:30am
2. Diamonds or Pearls? "Probably pearls because pearls can be eaten." / (In reply to Brianna,"What???") Diamonds.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The mission impossible with Tom Cruise / Same
4. What is your favorite TV show? The Homeless (some japanese show) / Star Trek
5. What did you have for breakfast? Rice powder rolled in a ball with vegetable soup. / Chocolate
6. What is your middle name? Chinese people typically don't have middle names / McKay
7. What is your favorite Cuisine? Chinese Guangdong Province food / Rice and pork with spinage
8. What do you dislike? Hunger and being cold and sickness and being lonely / The question is broad enough that it would take me more time than I'm willing to spend trying to figure out some sort of a conclusive answer. If I just name a few things I dislike it would not really be an accurate representation. If I try to label a single thing I dislike I can always think of something I dislike more. For example, if I say "I dislike leg cramps" I then feel like erasing it and saying "I dislike it when my teeth hurt." (Since my teeth hurting is a larger problem than a leg cramp, not that either of them are large problems really.) But now I just noticed something, which is that both of the things I listed were types of physical pain. So I would say "Physical pain" as my answer except "leg cramps" and "hurting teeth" were only EXAMPLES and not actual things that I think of when I am thinking of things I dislike. Now you are beginning to see what happens though when I try to make a list of things I dislike (all these thoughts go through my head in like 2 seconds, over and over, in all sorts of variations) so I hope you can forgive me for not putting an answer to this question.
9. What is your favorite potato chip? Regular standard non flavored (but salted) chips / Probably KC Masterpiece or whatever it is flavored chips from America.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Don't have CD / My WarCraft III CD.
11. What kind of car do you drive? Don't know how to drive and don't have a car / None, I take a taxi or what-have-you. We will buy a bicycle in the summer though, we think.
12. Favorite Sandwich? I don't eat sandwich / The one described in The Princess Bride, except substitute bacon for mutton.
13. What characteristics do you despise? Tons. Arrogance, Cruelty, I don't know now. / I would imagine most people don't realize that this question (along with many questions) are extremely vague. All the question asked is "What characteristics do you despise?" not "What characteristics do you despise, IN A PERSON." So I'm going to assume it is asking "What characteristics do you despise, in a bowl of rice." My answers, hardness, too hottiness, burnedness, not cooked well enoughness, and sogginess.
14. What are your favorite clothes? Stylish ones and good materials and fit me / My brown cargo pocket pants whatever those are called, and my green "lucky" shirt.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? America / An undiscovered (in modern times) cave that has 15 billion dollars worth of jewels and gold and stuff in it, and I'm not trapped in it or anything..and there is nothing stopping me from cashing out on the contents or anything.
16. What color are your eyes? Brown / Green
17. Favorite brand of clothing? I don't know brands / I don't care
18. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere warm and clean with fresh air and beautiful / These theoretical questions are really tempting me. Where "would" you want.... it makes me want to type something like "A place where if I am there I instantly have infinity wishes and unlimited power." But I'll stick with a more normal answer and say "Where ever Brianna is."
19. Favorite time of day? Sleeping time / Sleeping time
20. Where were you born? Dongguan, Guangdong, China / Moses Lake, Washington, USA
21. What is your favorite sport to watch? Olympic games / Not sure
22. Who do you think will not send this back? Myself / I don't know... these questions are tricks anyways to try to get the people who fill these out to provoke others into sending them.
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Someone who hasn't done it yet / Whatever
24. Pepsi or Coke? Whats different between pepsi and coke? / None
25. Cats or Dogs? Dogs / Dogs, but I like cats too
26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? I was a morning person but I'm getting poisoned by Jordan / Night person
27. Pedicure or manicure? The one for your hands / whatever
28. Do you prefer funny or mushy cards? Funny / Funny
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? We are at home (what she means is we are at her parents home in Guangdong) / No.
30. What did you want to be when you were little? Model or a movie star / a computer guy
31. What do you have in your trunk right now? I don't have one / "What you gunna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk?"
32. What is your best childhood memory? Dancing out on top of a big car on chinese valentines day / Forts and stuff.
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Worked at Giordanno, taught foreigners english. and worked with Jordan at MMOVP.com / Grape handler, worked for Shane Christensen for a bit, Fed Ex package handler, home loan call center, qwest DSL tech support call center, Ipod support call center, worked on flash for knowligent.com, worked at a haunted house some, off and on worked for myself selling virtual currency, worked at an english teaching center in china, currently working for mmovp.com...probably some other stuff
34. Favorite Holiday? Mid autumn festival / New year
35. What is your favorite dessert? Watermelon juice / so many ... i don't know
36. Favorite Summer getaway? Somewhere with a lot of fruit to eat / China, LOL!
37. Ever been to Africa? No / No, but I did sleep at best western last night.
38. Glasses or Contacts? I'm wearing glasses but I'd rather use contacts but my eyes cant handle them / Glasses
39. Ever been toilet papering? No / No
40. Been in a car accident? No, but a motorcycle ran into my bike once / Not really..if so I don't really remember
41. Favorite day of the week? Friday / Sunday
42. Favorite restaurant? The Steak restaurant where we get tons of free fruit / The Steak restaurant where I eat a lot of steak
43. Favorite flower? I don't know much about flower / Lilac
44. Favorite movies? Asoka and some Chinese stuff...but I like TV series more / LOTR and STAR WARS and many others... sci fi is good, and spy movies, and movies about smart people
45. Favorite Pastime? Yoga, resting, watching good TV shows, eating good food, spending time with my family / computer
46. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC, but I don't like it much and don't eat there often / prolly subway, none here though that I know of
47. How many times did you fail your drivers test? N/A / 0
48. From whom did you get your last email? Bonnie / Bonnie
49. Sandals or tennis shoes? Sandals / Sandals for freedom and shoes for being able to run fast and stuff
50. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I don't know much about credit card /http://www.newegg.com/
51. If the speed limit is 60 what is the fastest you will drive? I don't know speed, but if I could drive I would drive pretty slow / 65 or so
52. Bedtime? 1-3am / Same
53. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Shane / Bill Gates
54. Last person you went to dinner with? Jordan / Brianna
55. What are you listening to right now? Listening to Jordan typing / Listening to Brianna telling me what to type
56. What is your favorite color? Probably green, all colors are good though / Green or blue or something, sometimes red maybe, but I think green is overall my favorite color.
57. How many tattoos do you have? 0 / 0
58. How many people are you sending this E-mail to? 1, and I'm going to ask her to please send it to anyone else "on the list"
59. What time did you finish this e-mail? / Not finished yet.
60. What animal would you be reincarnated as? Human / I would not choose to be reincarnated as an animal because the idea of reincarnation comes primarily from Buddhism, and I have studied Buddhism some and, GENERALLY SPEAKING, found that a human is only reincarnated as an animal if he was really stupid and evil during his life. It is worse than being reincarnated as a poor, sick, deformed human. So if I was reincarnated I would like to be reincarnated as a Buddha (except thats not an animal), and a human is arguably not an animal either, so I'm going to have to go with "smart, well groomed, long and happy lifed monkey."
1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:15am / 10:30am
2. Diamonds or Pearls? "Probably pearls because pearls can be eaten." / (In reply to Brianna,"What???") Diamonds.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The mission impossible with Tom Cruise / Same
4. What is your favorite TV show? The Homeless (some japanese show) / Star Trek
5. What did you have for breakfast? Rice powder rolled in a ball with vegetable soup. / Chocolate
6. What is your middle name? Chinese people typically don't have middle names / McKay
7. What is your favorite Cuisine? Chinese Guangdong Province food / Rice and pork with spinage
8. What do you dislike? Hunger and being cold and sickness and being lonely / The question is broad enough that it would take me more time than I'm willing to spend trying to figure out some sort of a conclusive answer. If I just name a few things I dislike it would not really be an accurate representation. If I try to label a single thing I dislike I can always think of something I dislike more. For example, if I say "I dislike leg cramps" I then feel like erasing it and saying "I dislike it when my teeth hurt." (Since my teeth hurting is a larger problem than a leg cramp, not that either of them are large problems really.) But now I just noticed something, which is that both of the things I listed were types of physical pain. So I would say "Physical pain" as my answer except "leg cramps" and "hurting teeth" were only EXAMPLES and not actual things that I think of when I am thinking of things I dislike. Now you are beginning to see what happens though when I try to make a list of things I dislike (all these thoughts go through my head in like 2 seconds, over and over, in all sorts of variations) so I hope you can forgive me for not putting an answer to this question.
9. What is your favorite potato chip? Regular standard non flavored (but salted) chips / Probably KC Masterpiece or whatever it is flavored chips from America.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Don't have CD / My WarCraft III CD.
11. What kind of car do you drive? Don't know how to drive and don't have a car / None, I take a taxi or what-have-you. We will buy a bicycle in the summer though, we think.
12. Favorite Sandwich? I don't eat sandwich / The one described in The Princess Bride, except substitute bacon for mutton.
13. What characteristics do you despise? Tons. Arrogance, Cruelty, I don't know now. / I would imagine most people don't realize that this question (along with many questions) are extremely vague. All the question asked is "What characteristics do you despise?" not "What characteristics do you despise, IN A PERSON." So I'm going to assume it is asking "What characteristics do you despise, in a bowl of rice." My answers, hardness, too hottiness, burnedness, not cooked well enoughness, and sogginess.
14. What are your favorite clothes? Stylish ones and good materials and fit me / My brown cargo pocket pants whatever those are called, and my green "lucky" shirt.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? America / An undiscovered (in modern times) cave that has 15 billion dollars worth of jewels and gold and stuff in it, and I'm not trapped in it or anything..and there is nothing stopping me from cashing out on the contents or anything.
16. What color are your eyes? Brown / Green
17. Favorite brand of clothing? I don't know brands / I don't care
18. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere warm and clean with fresh air and beautiful / These theoretical questions are really tempting me. Where "would" you want.... it makes me want to type something like "A place where if I am there I instantly have infinity wishes and unlimited power." But I'll stick with a more normal answer and say "Where ever Brianna is."
19. Favorite time of day? Sleeping time / Sleeping time
20. Where were you born? Dongguan, Guangdong, China / Moses Lake, Washington, USA
21. What is your favorite sport to watch? Olympic games / Not sure
22. Who do you think will not send this back? Myself / I don't know... these questions are tricks anyways to try to get the people who fill these out to provoke others into sending them.
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Someone who hasn't done it yet / Whatever
24. Pepsi or Coke? Whats different between pepsi and coke? / None
25. Cats or Dogs? Dogs / Dogs, but I like cats too
26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? I was a morning person but I'm getting poisoned by Jordan / Night person
27. Pedicure or manicure? The one for your hands / whatever
28. Do you prefer funny or mushy cards? Funny / Funny
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? We are at home (what she means is we are at her parents home in Guangdong) / No.
30. What did you want to be when you were little? Model or a movie star / a computer guy
31. What do you have in your trunk right now? I don't have one / "What you gunna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk?"
32. What is your best childhood memory? Dancing out on top of a big car on chinese valentines day / Forts and stuff.
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Worked at Giordanno, taught foreigners english. and worked with Jordan at MMOVP.com / Grape handler, worked for Shane Christensen for a bit, Fed Ex package handler, home loan call center, qwest DSL tech support call center, Ipod support call center, worked on flash for knowligent.com, worked at a haunted house some, off and on worked for myself selling virtual currency, worked at an english teaching center in china, currently working for mmovp.com...probably some other stuff
34. Favorite Holiday? Mid autumn festival / New year
35. What is your favorite dessert? Watermelon juice / so many ... i don't know
36. Favorite Summer getaway? Somewhere with a lot of fruit to eat / China, LOL!
37. Ever been to Africa? No / No, but I did sleep at best western last night.
38. Glasses or Contacts? I'm wearing glasses but I'd rather use contacts but my eyes cant handle them / Glasses
39. Ever been toilet papering? No / No
40. Been in a car accident? No, but a motorcycle ran into my bike once / Not really..if so I don't really remember
41. Favorite day of the week? Friday / Sunday
42. Favorite restaurant? The Steak restaurant where we get tons of free fruit / The Steak restaurant where I eat a lot of steak
43. Favorite flower? I don't know much about flower / Lilac
44. Favorite movies? Asoka and some Chinese stuff...but I like TV series more / LOTR and STAR WARS and many others... sci fi is good, and spy movies, and movies about smart people
45. Favorite Pastime? Yoga, resting, watching good TV shows, eating good food, spending time with my family / computer
46. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC, but I don't like it much and don't eat there often / prolly subway, none here though that I know of
47. How many times did you fail your drivers test? N/A / 0
48. From whom did you get your last email? Bonnie / Bonnie
49. Sandals or tennis shoes? Sandals / Sandals for freedom and shoes for being able to run fast and stuff
50. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I don't know much about credit card /http://www.newegg.com/
51. If the speed limit is 60 what is the fastest you will drive? I don't know speed, but if I could drive I would drive pretty slow / 65 or so
52. Bedtime? 1-3am / Same
53. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Shane / Bill Gates
54. Last person you went to dinner with? Jordan / Brianna
55. What are you listening to right now? Listening to Jordan typing / Listening to Brianna telling me what to type
56. What is your favorite color? Probably green, all colors are good though / Green or blue or something, sometimes red maybe, but I think green is overall my favorite color.
57. How many tattoos do you have? 0 / 0
58. How many people are you sending this E-mail to? 1, and I'm going to ask her to please send it to anyone else "on the list"
59. What time did you finish this e-mail? / Not finished yet.
60. What animal would you be reincarnated as? Human / I would not choose to be reincarnated as an animal because the idea of reincarnation comes primarily from Buddhism, and I have studied Buddhism some and, GENERALLY SPEAKING, found that a human is only reincarnated as an animal if he was really stupid and evil during his life. It is worse than being reincarnated as a poor, sick, deformed human. So if I was reincarnated I would like to be reincarnated as a Buddha (except thats not an animal), and a human is arguably not an animal either, so I'm going to have to go with "smart, well groomed, long and happy lifed monkey."
Sunday, April 27, 2008
More Than a Request
The trip is in jeopardy. Pain escalated today. As of this afternoon, Jordan started running a fever, the first in two weeks. All oral pain meds are discontinued, the morphine drip is being turned up. Blood cultures have been drawn, and more antibiotics begun. A priesthood blessing has been given. We look to heaven, awaiting relief.
Many have prayed with us. Some have combined fasting with prayer. Pleas continue.
Many have prayed with us. Some have combined fasting with prayer. Pleas continue.
Soaking Up Sunday
Saturday's counts were HGB, 11.3: WBC, .2 (I've been writing it incorrectly as .02); platelets 22K. This mornings: HGB, 9.8; WBC still .2; platelets 18K. Dr. Z. is giving some real thought to getting Jordan off the morphine drip and finding effective oral meds he can take instead, so that we can make the Seattle trip this week. We can't set off on an eight-hour drive if Jordan's experiencing uncontrolled pain, fevers, nosebleeds, or is in need of transfusions. It all has to come together just so to work out!
The drip is slowly being titrated downward. It's down from 8MG/H to 4MG/H. Both immediate release and sustained release morphine pills are being used. The meds are worrisome, but pain, more so. Thankfully, Jordan feels well enough to spend several hours each day on the computer. In most of his previous hospitalizations, weeks passed without his giving it a thought or a glance! The CBC's tell one story, but his computer usage tells quite another, and it's our preferred version.
The drip is slowly being titrated downward. It's down from 8MG/H to 4MG/H. Both immediate release and sustained release morphine pills are being used. The meds are worrisome, but pain, more so. Thankfully, Jordan feels well enough to spend several hours each day on the computer. In most of his previous hospitalizations, weeks passed without his giving it a thought or a glance! The CBC's tell one story, but his computer usage tells quite another, and it's our preferred version.
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Big 21
After last night's intense gaming session, this has been a quiet and restful day, a day for Jordan to be revitalized by the 32nd transfusion of platelets, and the 21st transfusion of packed red blood cells. With platelets at 12K, and HGB at 8.1,it was unquestionably time well spent. Boo hiss, LDH is on the climb, at 4,285.
Thanks to St. Luke's for giving Jordan, Brianna, Shane, Ryan and Audra the use of one of their conference rooms for all the fun, games, and snacks.
Thanks to St. Luke's for giving Jordan, Brianna, Shane, Ryan and Audra the use of one of their conference rooms for all the fun, games, and snacks.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Platelets, More Precious Than Gold
First, we have three pieces of good news to share.
1. Jordan's platelets seem slightly improved.
2. He's feeling a whole lot better.
3. We have an appointment with Dr. Hawkins in Seattle, on May 1st.
Jordan received his 31st platelet transfusion just before midnight on the 22nd.CBC's are drawn early each morning, so the new platelets were still fairly well represented a few hours later, at 33K. Today, they're down to 20K. WBC's are worrisome at .1. And hemoglobin is at 9.3. A little lower, typically 8.5 and below, and a transfusion of packed red blood cells is ordered. we'll predict transfusions of both kinds will be called for by tomorrow morning. Unless, of course, something even better happens,and the tide turns in a more favorable direction. Thank you for your prayers, we know they're making a difference. As a small reward, how about a primer on platelets, for your edification.
What are platelets?
Platelets are tiny cells that circulate in the blood and whose function is to take part in the clotting process.Inside each platelet are many granules, containing compounds that enhance the ability of platelets to stick to each other and also to the surface of a damaged blood vessel wall. The platelet count in the circulating blood is normally between 150 and 400millionper millilitre of blood. (Our lab lists it as between 150K and 400K). The average life span of a platelet in the blood is 10 days.
What do platelets do?
Platelets are essential in the formation of blood clots to prevent haemorrhage -bleeding from a ruptured blood vessel.An adequate number of normally functioning platelets is also needed to prevent leakage of red blood cells from apparently uninjured vessels. In the event of bleeding, muscles in the vessel wall contract and reduce blood flow.The platelets then stick to each other (aggregation) and hold on to the vessel wall(primary haemostasis). The coagulation factors are then activated, resulting in normally liquid blood becoming an insoluble clot or glue.
What are the risks of a low platelet count?
The main effect of a reduced platelet count is an increased risk of bleeding, but this rarely occurs until there are less than 80-100 million platelets per ml.There is not a close relationship between the number of platelets and the severity of bleeding, but there is an increasing risk of haemorrhage if platelet numbers fall or if platelet function is impaired (for example by aspirin, which reduces the 'stickiness' of the platelets). There is a particularly high risk of spontaneous bleeding once the platelet count drops below 10 million per ml. The bleeding is usually seen on the skin in the form of tiny pin-prick haemorrhages (purpura), or bruises (ecchymoses) following minor trauma.Bleeding from the nose and the gums is also quite common. More serious haemorrhage can occur at the back of the eye (retina), sometimes threatening sight.The most serious complication, which is potentially fatal, is spontaneous bleeding inside the head (intracranial) or from the lining of the gut (gastrointestinal).
For all of the above, and more, go to:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/thrombocytopenia.htm
1. Jordan's platelets seem slightly improved.
2. He's feeling a whole lot better.
3. We have an appointment with Dr. Hawkins in Seattle, on May 1st.
Jordan received his 31st platelet transfusion just before midnight on the 22nd.CBC's are drawn early each morning, so the new platelets were still fairly well represented a few hours later, at 33K. Today, they're down to 20K. WBC's are worrisome at .1. And hemoglobin is at 9.3. A little lower, typically 8.5 and below, and a transfusion of packed red blood cells is ordered. we'll predict transfusions of both kinds will be called for by tomorrow morning. Unless, of course, something even better happens,and the tide turns in a more favorable direction. Thank you for your prayers, we know they're making a difference. As a small reward, how about a primer on platelets, for your edification.
What are platelets?
Platelets are tiny cells that circulate in the blood and whose function is to take part in the clotting process.Inside each platelet are many granules, containing compounds that enhance the ability of platelets to stick to each other and also to the surface of a damaged blood vessel wall. The platelet count in the circulating blood is normally between 150 and 400millionper millilitre of blood. (Our lab lists it as between 150K and 400K). The average life span of a platelet in the blood is 10 days.
What do platelets do?
Platelets are essential in the formation of blood clots to prevent haemorrhage -bleeding from a ruptured blood vessel.An adequate number of normally functioning platelets is also needed to prevent leakage of red blood cells from apparently uninjured vessels. In the event of bleeding, muscles in the vessel wall contract and reduce blood flow.The platelets then stick to each other (aggregation) and hold on to the vessel wall(primary haemostasis). The coagulation factors are then activated, resulting in normally liquid blood becoming an insoluble clot or glue.
What are the risks of a low platelet count?
The main effect of a reduced platelet count is an increased risk of bleeding, but this rarely occurs until there are less than 80-100 million platelets per ml.There is not a close relationship between the number of platelets and the severity of bleeding, but there is an increasing risk of haemorrhage if platelet numbers fall or if platelet function is impaired (for example by aspirin, which reduces the 'stickiness' of the platelets). There is a particularly high risk of spontaneous bleeding once the platelet count drops below 10 million per ml. The bleeding is usually seen on the skin in the form of tiny pin-prick haemorrhages (purpura), or bruises (ecchymoses) following minor trauma.Bleeding from the nose and the gums is also quite common. More serious haemorrhage can occur at the back of the eye (retina), sometimes threatening sight.The most serious complication, which is potentially fatal, is spontaneous bleeding inside the head (intracranial) or from the lining of the gut (gastrointestinal).
For all of the above, and more, go to:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/thrombocytopenia.htm
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Back in the Big House
Jordan was re-admitted to the hospital this morning. Oh! This is so old it's desiccated, antiquated, and we pray all meds will be potentiated. Also, we continue to pray for more platelets, and less pain! WBC's, .2; HGB, 10.1; platelets, 10K. No platelet transfusion today though. Just fluids, and morphine. The titrated morphine drip began at 6 mg/h. And the Neupogen injections have been discontinued.
"In the face of uncertainty, there is nothing wrong with hope." (from Love, Medicine and Miracles, by Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.)
"...I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions." (MSH 24:14)
"In the face of uncertainty, there is nothing wrong with hope." (from Love, Medicine and Miracles, by Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.)
"...I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions." (MSH 24:14)
Monday, April 21, 2008
A Little Snack...of Words
Did someone say that seeing Jordan's hemoglobin jump up to 13.0 was a nice surprise? Well, it wasn't. We've learned that the jump was a result of dehydration, which causes the blood to become concentrated, giving an artificially high HGB reading. Today's hemoglobin, after rehydration, was at 10.5; WBC's, .3; platelets were 13K. He had his third platelet transfusion in three days, the 30th. Pour on the prayers for platelet production, please!
He is home again though, for which we're all grateful. However, the dreaded, albeit necessary, Neupogen injections were begun yesterday, and already, he's needing Oxycodone, Tylenol, and Dilaudid to help with pain management. Ativan and Marinol are doing a good job keeping the nausea mostly at bay. He'll be receiving one liter of IV fluids each day when he goes in for labs, until it's certain that the dehydration is completely resolved.
Another great letter from the mission, from Pres. Johnson, was welcomed today, as were several phone calls, e-mails, comments, and other evidences of your friendship and concern. Love and thanks to each and every one of you, for all you do.
He is home again though, for which we're all grateful. However, the dreaded, albeit necessary, Neupogen injections were begun yesterday, and already, he's needing Oxycodone, Tylenol, and Dilaudid to help with pain management. Ativan and Marinol are doing a good job keeping the nausea mostly at bay. He'll be receiving one liter of IV fluids each day when he goes in for labs, until it's certain that the dehydration is completely resolved.
Another great letter from the mission, from Pres. Johnson, was welcomed today, as were several phone calls, e-mails, comments, and other evidences of your friendship and concern. Love and thanks to each and every one of you, for all you do.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Blue Sunday
We hope it's just for the night, but Jordan felt so unwell when Dan took him up for his daily labs, that he was re-admitted to the hospital. Hemoglobin leapt up to13.0 today, a nice surprise. WBC's still at .2, which means Neupogen injections will probably resume...and so will the bone pain, the morphine, and its side effects.The on-call doc ordered another transfusion of platelets (the 29th) because they were only up to 15K despite yesterday's additions. But he got more missionary mail from Pres. and Sister Osmond, a surefire way to put a littlemore sun back into this Sunday.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Home
Today's hemoglobin, 11.6; WBC's, .2; platelets, 9K, prompting the 28th platelet transfusion. LDH at 2,816. The counts aren't where we want them, but Jordan is, he's home!
We brought home a few surprises for the grand occasion. So far, only Shane and Bonnie have been brave enough to try the fresh green wheat grass juice. But there's more in the fridge, just waiting for the next brave sipper. What did garner some interest were the new wok and bamboo steamer we picked up while doing a little grocery shopping this afternoon. Brianna immediately set about preparing an authentic Chinese dinner for us, or as close as we could get with our Wal--Mart provisions. Jordan's absent appetite and declining weight keep us looking for tempting, nutrient- and calorie-dense foods to serve. Forget nonfat and 2%, we've gone back to whole milk for now.
We brought home a few surprises for the grand occasion. So far, only Shane and Bonnie have been brave enough to try the fresh green wheat grass juice. But there's more in the fridge, just waiting for the next brave sipper. What did garner some interest were the new wok and bamboo steamer we picked up while doing a little grocery shopping this afternoon. Brianna immediately set about preparing an authentic Chinese dinner for us, or as close as we could get with our Wal--Mart provisions. Jordan's absent appetite and declining weight keep us looking for tempting, nutrient- and calorie-dense foods to serve. Forget nonfat and 2%, we've gone back to whole milk for now.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Big Possibilities
Way back on March 17th, we contacted the NIH (National Institutes of Health) in hopes of finding a clinical trial for Jordan to participate in. It's a huge deal, so it has understandably taken a few phone calls to get to this point, but today we were told that they are interested in pursuing something that might help him. A bone marrow transplant! I think they may have been swayed upon hearing he has six brothers, at least one of whom will surely be a perfect match as a bone marrow donor. Roll up those sleeves, boys, ve vant to test your blood.
We've given the NIH coordinator Dr. Z.'s phone number, and asked him to persevere even if our doc's response is less than enthusiastic. It's taken a month for them to decide they're interested. For all we know, it may take another month before they contact Dr. Z. By that time, our mythical mind control methods will have convinced him to cooperate fully. In any event, treatment will continue here, and we will likely have a consult in Seattle with Dr. Hawkins in a few weeks.
Jordan came home for a few hours this afternoon on a hospital pass. Had it not been for spiking a fever last night, he would have been released today. After twelve long days and nights on a squeaky, automatically re-positioning, thin, hospital mattress, his own bed feels luxuriously inviting. But no bed is comfortable 24/7, so, the amazing Jordan did take himself up from his bed, and walk to the family room for pizza and a movie, followed by a small serving of peach ice cream. He was loath to return to the hospital for the night,, but if all goes well, he'll be back with us tomorrow, until it's time for the next round of wonder drugs.
This morning's CBC revealed Jordan's hemoglobin rose for the third consecutive day. On the 12th, the date of his last transfusion, it was at 7.8. Naturally, it was higher the next day, at 11.1. Then it began the all too familiar decline: 10.5, 10.2. But wait, then it commenced this encouraging climb, 11.0, 11.6, and now, 12.1. WBC's are sitting at .3. Platelets dropped from 18K to 13K. Ordinarily, a platelet transfusion would have been ordered, but the doctor wants to give it one more day to see if they'll turn around and head in the right direction.
We've given the NIH coordinator Dr. Z.'s phone number, and asked him to persevere even if our doc's response is less than enthusiastic. It's taken a month for them to decide they're interested. For all we know, it may take another month before they contact Dr. Z. By that time, our mythical mind control methods will have convinced him to cooperate fully. In any event, treatment will continue here, and we will likely have a consult in Seattle with Dr. Hawkins in a few weeks.
Jordan came home for a few hours this afternoon on a hospital pass. Had it not been for spiking a fever last night, he would have been released today. After twelve long days and nights on a squeaky, automatically re-positioning, thin, hospital mattress, his own bed feels luxuriously inviting. But no bed is comfortable 24/7, so, the amazing Jordan did take himself up from his bed, and walk to the family room for pizza and a movie, followed by a small serving of peach ice cream. He was loath to return to the hospital for the night,, but if all goes well, he'll be back with us tomorrow, until it's time for the next round of wonder drugs.
This morning's CBC revealed Jordan's hemoglobin rose for the third consecutive day. On the 12th, the date of his last transfusion, it was at 7.8. Naturally, it was higher the next day, at 11.1. Then it began the all too familiar decline: 10.5, 10.2. But wait, then it commenced this encouraging climb, 11.0, 11.6, and now, 12.1. WBC's are sitting at .3. Platelets dropped from 18K to 13K. Ordinarily, a platelet transfusion would have been ordered, but the doctor wants to give it one more day to see if they'll turn around and head in the right direction.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The People's Republic of China
Jordan is slooooowly beginning to feel better. His Hemoglobin increased for the second day in a row. WBC's stayed the same, .3; and the platelets dropped back to 18K. He is very tired, and unusually quiet, but he's determined to hold the role-playing game session scheduled for tonight with Brianna, Shane, Ryan, and Audra. Having a great time has always been a high priority for Jordan! And while he does it, we get to laugh right along with him.
For example, when Jordan taught English at the foreign language school in Dongguan, he and Brianna became good friends with a colleague, Alex, who hails from Great Britain. Alex recently sent a few video clips of random scenes from their outings together.
For behold, are we not all beggars? MSH, 4:19.
Jordan lends a helping hand to a Pamphlet pusher
Keeping China beautiful!
Shopping
Diplomacy
It's certainly called for on many occasions, including the one at hand. Last night, a couple of nurses were annoyed with us for insisting, to no avail, that the Atropine should be continued. We were told that it was never given with chemotherapy. This morning, the doctor wrote orders for it to begin once more, and the accompanying nurse was annoyed when Brianna mentioned the previous evening's confusion. Feeling that our own research is necessary, we've located two articles showing that the mere addition of Atropine is probably ineffective at this point. We hope these up-to-date recommendations will be implemented if the Atropine fails to improve the situation.
Today's CBC gives us reason for renewed optimism. The WBC rose to .3; platelets rose from 18K to 20K; HGB increased too. This is a very good sign. When Jordan begins to produce his own blood cells, it's a very big deal! The LDH dropped by almost two thousand points, as well.
Today's CBC gives us reason for renewed optimism. The WBC rose to .3; platelets rose from 18K to 20K; HGB increased too. This is a very good sign. When Jordan begins to produce his own blood cells, it's a very big deal! The LDH dropped by almost two thousand points, as well.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Dilemma
We've been given conflicting information. In an attempt to resolve it, we've emailed the Rhabdo-Kids list the following request:
Hi All,
Our Jordan's treatment has been changed from VDC + IE to Irinotecan, Temidar, and Vincristine. The new protocol started last Saturday, 4/12. He was premedicated with three anti emetics, Decadron, Ativan, and Kytril. We resisted the Kytril because it causes Jordan's heart rate to decrease to about 40 beats per minute. The nurse called the pharmacist to Jordan's room to assure us that this would not happen again, that it had only happened in the past because it was given with other closely related antiemetics. Atropine was the fourth and final drug in his premed combo. It was explained at that time, that the Atropine, usually given for cardiac issues, was to prevent diarrhea, Irinotecan's chief side effect.
Just as we feared, Jordan's heart rate dropped to 40 BPM today, and the Kytril was discontinued. The problem is that the Atropine was discontinued also, and diarrhea has begun. We are now being told that the Atropine was not given to prevent diarrhea, that it was linked with the Kytril, and that since the Kytril has been discontinued, it should be discontinued as well. Meanwhile, the diarrhea intensifies. Please fill us in on which premeds are commonly used with Irinotecan. The confusion is creating a bit of tension with one or two members of the hospital staff.
Best regards,
Bonnie, mom of Jordan
dx 1/08; mets ARMS
Jordan has been sleeping much of the day, and has experienced some dizziness. His WBC has fallen to .2, also written as 200,. We are happy to report, though, that since Sunday, he has been able to resume walking.
Thank you for your emails, comments, and prayers. They continue to bless and encourage each of us.
Hi All,
Our Jordan's treatment has been changed from VDC + IE to Irinotecan, Temidar, and Vincristine. The new protocol started last Saturday, 4/12. He was premedicated with three anti emetics, Decadron, Ativan, and Kytril. We resisted the Kytril because it causes Jordan's heart rate to decrease to about 40 beats per minute. The nurse called the pharmacist to Jordan's room to assure us that this would not happen again, that it had only happened in the past because it was given with other closely related antiemetics. Atropine was the fourth and final drug in his premed combo. It was explained at that time, that the Atropine, usually given for cardiac issues, was to prevent diarrhea, Irinotecan's chief side effect.
Just as we feared, Jordan's heart rate dropped to 40 BPM today, and the Kytril was discontinued. The problem is that the Atropine was discontinued also, and diarrhea has begun. We are now being told that the Atropine was not given to prevent diarrhea, that it was linked with the Kytril, and that since the Kytril has been discontinued, it should be discontinued as well. Meanwhile, the diarrhea intensifies. Please fill us in on which premeds are commonly used with Irinotecan. The confusion is creating a bit of tension with one or two members of the hospital staff.
Best regards,
Bonnie, mom of Jordan
dx 1/08; mets ARMS
Jordan has been sleeping much of the day, and has experienced some dizziness. His WBC has fallen to .2, also written as 200,. We are happy to report, though, that since Sunday, he has been able to resume walking.
Thank you for your emails, comments, and prayers. They continue to bless and encourage each of us.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Phone Call
The phone rings. Bonnie answers, "Hello?"
"Zubbazura Zur."
"I'm sorry. I didn't understand you."
"This is Dr. Hawkins."
"Dr. Hawkins?"
"Yes, I got your E-mail. I'm on the road now. And I'm just calling to see how Jordan is doing."
...
We're totally amazed, maybe even starstruck. How cool is that!
Three Cheers for Good News!
Jordan woke up Sunday morning with a normal temp, and pain free! And so far, it's holding steady. Yesterday's counts were a little better than they had been for a few weeks, but today's counts drop slightly. The morphine drip has been titrated down from 12 MG/H to 5 MG/H per Jordan's request. We sent off a letter of thanks to Dr. Hawkins, and many prayers of thanksgiving have been sent heavenward.
Saturday morning, we had a fortuitous meeting in Lowe's. As we were paying for our purchase, the friendly cashier noticed the name on the debit card and asked if we happened to know a Jordan Washburn. He told us that Jordan's last day in the Philippines San Pablo Mission was his first day there. They had met and talked a bit that day, and a couple of years later, they had both participated in BARCADA, a Filipino-American club sponsored by Boise State University. We gave our new acquaintance, Phil Meyer, Jordan's contact information, and he called their former mission president, Pres. Osmond, who phoned Jordan right away, and then followed up with an E-mail notifying his mission of the events of the last four months. Happily, Jordan has received 7 E-mails, two visits, one phone call, and a blog comment as a result of this unexpected encounter. We've been told that more faithful pray-ers are bringing his name and needs before the Lord as well. Salamat!
Visits from his brothers are another source of strength and support to Jordan. They have all rallied behind him with noticeable uplifting effect every time. This weekend was no exception. Ethan & Missy, and Kimball turned the weekend into one long party! Greg & Lesley, and Neil have previously done the same. All of them on several occasions, actually. They live in CO, AZ, and WA, so it's no easy feat to visit as often as they do. But when they come, they know how to make the good times roll.
Delicious Meal courtesy of Missy
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Doc Hawkins Comes Through
We decided to go for it yesterday! We talked to everybody who set foot in Jordan's room about arranging an electronic consult for him. Dr. Z. said no. Mary, the social worker, said she'd help in any way she could. One nurse thought it wouldn't work. Another couple of nurses said it couldn't hurt to ask. The cleaning lady didn't say much one way or the other. But all our friends and family agreed wholeheartedly that it was the perfect solution.
So, why not contact Dr. Hawkins ourselves? He willingly makes his voice mail, email, P.O. Box, and other contact info available. We give high marks to any doctor who's that accessible to his patients. This is the email we sent:
son critical. may not make 1st appt 4/16. please help. rhabdo moving fast!
Dear Dr. Hawkins,
We need urgent guidance. Jordan's LDH is at 7,662; extremely pancytopenic; transfusion-dependent;WBC laboriously climbed to a high of 600, dropping today to 400. Time is running out. He feels he may not even be alive by next Wednesday, the 16th, for his consult with you. If he is, then there is a question as to whether he will be well enough to travel. He's on a morphine drip due to incessant, severe bone pain, and is newly nonambulatory. Hoping for an earlier appointment, or for an electronic consult via Skype, satellite,or any other means of your choosing. Please help.
Sincerely,
Bonnie Washburn
Mom of Jordan McKay Washburn, 3/16/82 HEM/ONC: Dr. Norman Zuckerman, Boise, IDSt. Luke's Regional Medical Center, (208) 381-2222Mountain States Tumor Institute: (208) 381-2711Dx with mets ARMS 1/10/08two rounds each of VDC + IE
A phone call to Neda, his administrative assistant, was our next step. She repeated the gist of his voice mail message (something we'd already heard when we'd called), that he was out of the office until the 16th, the day of Jordan's appointment. She assured us that Jordan was in their system, that the doctor had reviewed his medical records, that asking about an electronic consult with him was a good question, and that we'd get a call or an email from him or his colleague very soon. The day passed quickly, with two of Jordan's brothers arriving for the weekend, but, disappointingly, without any word from Seattle.
Starting around 9 AM, Jordan dealt with a 4 hour, platelet-depleting nosebleed. With counts already very low, this caused a flurry of activity as various methods were employed to stem the flow. More transfusions, the 20th of packed red blood cells, and the 27th of platelets, were ordered, ice packs and pressure were applied, both leaning forward and backward were tried, a second CBC was drawn to check the platelet level for the safety of packing his nose. And in the midst of all of this, Dr. Montgomery, the on-call doc, who had been in earlier this morning, came in with welcome news - Dr. Hawkins had just called. In his view, the diagnosis of rhabdomyosarcoma is accurate. He described a new chemotherapy protocol that might be beneficial, although there is no conclusive data on its efficacy. Temodar, in capsule form, commonly used in the treatment of some brain tumors, and Camptosar, AKA Irrenotecan, used in treating colon cancer, combined with Vincristine, was his recommendation for Jordan. Dr. Montgomery said that if we did nothing, we knew what would happen. This regimen gives us a chance. A chance to keep Jordan with us is a chance we will always take! So we've jumped. Chemo started late this afternoon.
Other matters of interest occurred today as well, for which we are grateful, but they will be described later.
So, why not contact Dr. Hawkins ourselves? He willingly makes his voice mail, email, P.O. Box, and other contact info available. We give high marks to any doctor who's that accessible to his patients. This is the email we sent:
son critical. may not make 1st appt 4/16. please help. rhabdo moving fast!
Dear Dr. Hawkins,
We need urgent guidance. Jordan's LDH is at 7,662; extremely pancytopenic; transfusion-dependent;WBC laboriously climbed to a high of 600, dropping today to 400. Time is running out. He feels he may not even be alive by next Wednesday, the 16th, for his consult with you. If he is, then there is a question as to whether he will be well enough to travel. He's on a morphine drip due to incessant, severe bone pain, and is newly nonambulatory. Hoping for an earlier appointment, or for an electronic consult via Skype, satellite,or any other means of your choosing. Please help.
Sincerely,
Bonnie Washburn
Mom of Jordan McKay Washburn, 3/16/82 HEM/ONC: Dr. Norman Zuckerman, Boise, IDSt. Luke's Regional Medical Center, (208) 381-2222Mountain States Tumor Institute: (208) 381-2711Dx with mets ARMS 1/10/08two rounds each of VDC + IE
A phone call to Neda, his administrative assistant, was our next step. She repeated the gist of his voice mail message (something we'd already heard when we'd called), that he was out of the office until the 16th, the day of Jordan's appointment. She assured us that Jordan was in their system, that the doctor had reviewed his medical records, that asking about an electronic consult with him was a good question, and that we'd get a call or an email from him or his colleague very soon. The day passed quickly, with two of Jordan's brothers arriving for the weekend, but, disappointingly, without any word from Seattle.
Starting around 9 AM, Jordan dealt with a 4 hour, platelet-depleting nosebleed. With counts already very low, this caused a flurry of activity as various methods were employed to stem the flow. More transfusions, the 20th of packed red blood cells, and the 27th of platelets, were ordered, ice packs and pressure were applied, both leaning forward and backward were tried, a second CBC was drawn to check the platelet level for the safety of packing his nose. And in the midst of all of this, Dr. Montgomery, the on-call doc, who had been in earlier this morning, came in with welcome news - Dr. Hawkins had just called. In his view, the diagnosis of rhabdomyosarcoma is accurate. He described a new chemotherapy protocol that might be beneficial, although there is no conclusive data on its efficacy. Temodar, in capsule form, commonly used in the treatment of some brain tumors, and Camptosar, AKA Irrenotecan, used in treating colon cancer, combined with Vincristine, was his recommendation for Jordan. Dr. Montgomery said that if we did nothing, we knew what would happen. This regimen gives us a chance. A chance to keep Jordan with us is a chance we will always take! So we've jumped. Chemo started late this afternoon.
Other matters of interest occurred today as well, for which we are grateful, but they will be described later.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
E-fficient
Jordan had his 26th transfusion of platelets yesterday, and his 19th transfusion of packed red blood cells today. Monday's LDH level was 4,000 (200 is normal); today it rose to 7,662. In the spirit of knowing the enemy, here's a little about lactate dehydrogenase, LDH. It's one of a group of enzymes found in the blood and other body tissues and involved in energy production in cells. An increased amount of LDH in the blood may be a sign of tissue damage and some types of cancer or other diseases. More specifically, a substance released by tumors and found in the blood. So, we're sending our prayers up, asking for it to go down.
In another twist, the doctor now says that the pain is probably due to the rhabdomyosarcoma, or whatever it is, rather than the Neupogen injections. It has lasted too long and is too intense to be attributed to typical Neupogenic bone pain. The last injection was given a week ago. Unless there is a change for the better, we won't be able to make the trip to Seattle.
Our friend, Jane, came up with a brilliant idea though. Telemedicine! This is the 21st century, docs, act like it. and get connected - by phone, video, satellite, Skype, whatever it takes. Harness the e-miracle of e-medicine for Jordan, and for e-veryone. Like, tomorrow morning, please.
In another twist, the doctor now says that the pain is probably due to the rhabdomyosarcoma, or whatever it is, rather than the Neupogen injections. It has lasted too long and is too intense to be attributed to typical Neupogenic bone pain. The last injection was given a week ago. Unless there is a change for the better, we won't be able to make the trip to Seattle.
Our friend, Jane, came up with a brilliant idea though. Telemedicine! This is the 21st century, docs, act like it. and get connected - by phone, video, satellite, Skype, whatever it takes. Harness the e-miracle of e-medicine for Jordan, and for e-veryone. Like, tomorrow morning, please.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Live from St. Luke's
So I was supposed to leave for FL via UT today. But I just couldn't tear myself away. Brianna and I are drinking pineapple and V8 juice in the waiting room while Jordan gets a little shuteye. He had two units of packed red blood cells yesterday, his 18th such transfusion. Brianna checked our records, and he's had 25 transfusions of platelets so far, in case anyone was wondering.
I know I said the pain was under control on Sunday, but I was wrong. Jordan isn't ambulatory at this time because pain is too great upon attempting even a few steps. Keeping the pain at an acceptable level has been a constant challenge. He is on a titrated morphine drip. It was initially set at 1 mg/h, but it's now up to 6.5 mg/h, with bolus additions as needed. The doctor says the pain should be gone in the next day or so. His WBC's are up to .6 today. If it continues to climb, maybe this bone pain will have been worthwhile.
Dr. Z. was able to talk with the specialist, Dr. Hawkins, yesterday. Both agree that we should hold off on treatment until after next week's consultation. The whole diagnosis is up for review. We asked what should be done for Jordan while we wait, and Dr. Z. said that we'll just keep the pain in check and transfuse as needed. Fevers are still a problem, so that's why we're camping out here, enjoying St. Luke's hospitality. They really have been good to us here. We owe them a lot...and we're not just talking money.
I know I said the pain was under control on Sunday, but I was wrong. Jordan isn't ambulatory at this time because pain is too great upon attempting even a few steps. Keeping the pain at an acceptable level has been a constant challenge. He is on a titrated morphine drip. It was initially set at 1 mg/h, but it's now up to 6.5 mg/h, with bolus additions as needed. The doctor says the pain should be gone in the next day or so. His WBC's are up to .6 today. If it continues to climb, maybe this bone pain will have been worthwhile.
Dr. Z. was able to talk with the specialist, Dr. Hawkins, yesterday. Both agree that we should hold off on treatment until after next week's consultation. The whole diagnosis is up for review. We asked what should be done for Jordan while we wait, and Dr. Z. said that we'll just keep the pain in check and transfuse as needed. Fevers are still a problem, so that's why we're camping out here, enjoying St. Luke's hospitality. They really have been good to us here. We owe them a lot...and we're not just talking money.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Three Nights Dogged
Why does that have a slightly familiar ring to it? This is a time we'd certainly like to forget, and never repeat. For three days and nights, incessant bone pain from the Neupogen injections dogged Jordan's every waking hour. He's tried just about everything we could think of - to sleep more than usual, keep up on the pain meds, use a heating pad, warm water soaks, massage, shifting positions, staying off his feet, distracting himself with a movie, and a phone call from a friend. Patient, quiet, kind throughout, still, nothing worked. He was readmitted to the hospital this morning, where the morphine flows freely, and the pain is at last under control.
WBC's inched up to .5; neuts are at .4. Platelets all the way up to 48K on Saturday, slipped to 35K today. We hoped he might either begin some kind of modified treatment tomorrow, or return home. A fever of 101.9 showed up this evening though, nixing any hope of coming home tomorrow. When the doc makes his early morning rounds, we should be able to get off these pins and needles and find out the results of the bone marrow biopsy, and if treatment will indeed begin, or be withheld.
WBC's inched up to .5; neuts are at .4. Platelets all the way up to 48K on Saturday, slipped to 35K today. We hoped he might either begin some kind of modified treatment tomorrow, or return home. A fever of 101.9 showed up this evening though, nixing any hope of coming home tomorrow. When the doc makes his early morning rounds, we should be able to get off these pins and needles and find out the results of the bone marrow biopsy, and if treatment will indeed begin, or be withheld.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
It's the Drugs
Jordan isn't feeling well. It's not from the rhabdo either, it's from the drugs! Believe me, not all chemo regimens are created equal. The six cycles of PCR I had last year were a walk in the park, (a really safe park) compared to the VDC + IE that Jordan's had. Give these same drugs to anybody, no matter how strong and healthy they are, and they'll soon be feeling like he's feeling right now. Amazing, or what? Read on for a list of possible side effects, many of which are only too well known to him.
But first, we think the following blurb is meant to be reassuring. Most people do not experience all of the side effects listed. Side effects are often predictable in terms of their onset and duration. Side effects are almost always reversible and will go away after treatment is complete. There are many options to help minimize or prevent side effects. There is no relationship between the presence or severity of side effects and the effectiveness of chemotherapy.
VINCRISTINE Partial or complete hair loss, constipation, low blood counts (puting you at increased risk for infection, anemia and/or bleeding),), abdominal cramps, weight loss, nausea and vomiting, mouth sores, diarrhea, loss of appetite, taste changes, peripheral neuropathy ( decreased sensation and numbness and tingling of the hands and feet)
DOXORUBICIN Low blood counts, hand -foot syndrome (Palmar-plantar erythrodysesthesia or PPE) -skin rash, swelling, redness, pain and/or peeling of the skin on the palms of hands and soles of feet, mouth sores, nausea and vomiting, low platelet counts (risk of bleeding), weakness, hair loss, constipation, poor appetite, diarrhea, discoloration of the urine (red/orange color) for about 48 hours after treatment, darkening of nail beds, interference with the pumping action of the heart. Delayed effects: There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia years after taking Doxorubicin.
CYCLOPHOSPHAMIDE Low blood counts, hair loss, nausea and vomiting, poor appetite, loss of fertility, discoloration of the skin or nails, diarrhea, mouth sores, bladder irritation and bleeding (hemorrhagic cystitis) Delayed effects:There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia or myelodysplasiaafter taking cyclophosphamide.
IFOSFAMIDE Low white blood cell count, hair loss, nausea and vomiting, poor appetite, blood in the urine (the medication mesna may be given to prevent or decrease the severity of this side effect), central neurotoxicity (including sleepiness, confusion and occasionally hallucinations). Delayed effects: There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia after takingifosfamide. Fertility may be affected by ifosfamide..
ETOPOSIDE Low white blood cell count (increases risk for infection), low platelet count (increases risk of bleeding), hair loss, loss of fertility, nausea and vomiting low blood pressure (if the drug is infused too fast), mouth sores (especially at high doses), diarrhea (especially at high doses), poor appetite, radiation recall, metallic taste during infusion of drug, inflammation at injection site, peripheral neuropathy (numbness in fingers and toes, can be irreversible). Delayed effects: There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia years aftertaking etoposide.
Whew, we hope this list doesn't lose us any readers of our blog, because we greatly value your support! A cheerier update is forthcoming.
But first, we think the following blurb is meant to be reassuring. Most people do not experience all of the side effects listed. Side effects are often predictable in terms of their onset and duration. Side effects are almost always reversible and will go away after treatment is complete. There are many options to help minimize or prevent side effects. There is no relationship between the presence or severity of side effects and the effectiveness of chemotherapy.
VINCRISTINE Partial or complete hair loss, constipation, low blood counts (puting you at increased risk for infection, anemia and/or bleeding),), abdominal cramps, weight loss, nausea and vomiting, mouth sores, diarrhea, loss of appetite, taste changes, peripheral neuropathy ( decreased sensation and numbness and tingling of the hands and feet)
DOXORUBICIN Low blood counts, hand -foot syndrome (Palmar-plantar erythrodysesthesia or PPE) -skin rash, swelling, redness, pain and/or peeling of the skin on the palms of hands and soles of feet, mouth sores, nausea and vomiting, low platelet counts (risk of bleeding), weakness, hair loss, constipation, poor appetite, diarrhea, discoloration of the urine (red/orange color) for about 48 hours after treatment, darkening of nail beds, interference with the pumping action of the heart. Delayed effects: There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia years after taking Doxorubicin.
CYCLOPHOSPHAMIDE Low blood counts, hair loss, nausea and vomiting, poor appetite, loss of fertility, discoloration of the skin or nails, diarrhea, mouth sores, bladder irritation and bleeding (hemorrhagic cystitis) Delayed effects:There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia or myelodysplasiaafter taking cyclophosphamide.
IFOSFAMIDE Low white blood cell count, hair loss, nausea and vomiting, poor appetite, blood in the urine (the medication mesna may be given to prevent or decrease the severity of this side effect), central neurotoxicity (including sleepiness, confusion and occasionally hallucinations). Delayed effects: There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia after takingifosfamide. Fertility may be affected by ifosfamide..
ETOPOSIDE Low white blood cell count (increases risk for infection), low platelet count (increases risk of bleeding), hair loss, loss of fertility, nausea and vomiting low blood pressure (if the drug is infused too fast), mouth sores (especially at high doses), diarrhea (especially at high doses), poor appetite, radiation recall, metallic taste during infusion of drug, inflammation at injection site, peripheral neuropathy (numbness in fingers and toes, can be irreversible). Delayed effects: There is a slight risk of developing a blood cancer such as leukemia years aftertaking etoposide.
Whew, we hope this list doesn't lose us any readers of our blog, because we greatly value your support! A cheerier update is forthcoming.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Dorothy Has a Point
That's why we're happy Jordan came home somewhere around 8 PM last night. . If it weren't for the bone pain in his left arm, he'd be feeling pretty decent right now. Come to find out, the antibiotics weren't stopped, they were only reduced, and the WBC responded by creeping back up to .3. With this persistent bone pain, we expect the WBC's have risen even more. And with platelets at 14K yesterday, we won't be surprised if he's sitting in a chair this afternoon getting another transfusion.. So it's off to the clinic to check our expectations against reality.
Written a little later: He tried to eat toast and scrambled eggs for breakfast, but it didn't stay down. The pain is increasing. I'm not sure he'll be home very long before having to be re-admitted. He tends to underestimate the pain level, and overestimate how he feels and what he can eat.
Written around 9 PM: WBC's were at .4, and platelets down to 9K. So yep, the afternoon was spent as we expected, receiving two bags of platelets. Hoping and praying for a better day tomorrow.
Written a little later: He tried to eat toast and scrambled eggs for breakfast, but it didn't stay down. The pain is increasing. I'm not sure he'll be home very long before having to be re-admitted. He tends to underestimate the pain level, and overestimate how he feels and what he can eat.
Written around 9 PM: WBC's were at .4, and platelets down to 9K. So yep, the afternoon was spent as we expected, receiving two bags of platelets. Hoping and praying for a better day tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have an Appointment
But it's not until April 16th, a long time from now. We had our hearts set on an earlier date, as you know. The next treatment should begin next week, and we really want guidance in switching it to something more effective against this rhabdomyosarcoma beast. I guess we'd rather have the same old treatment than none at all though. And our doctor is leaning toward none at all, until after the Hawkins consult. Each treatment shows some benefit, short-lived though it is. The soaring LDH always comes down for a couple of weeks afterward, and we can't imagine what would happen if it were left unchecked for an extra week and a half. The doctor's pretty adamant about waiting, but he did say he'd take the BMB results into consideration. Fair enough, we're just as adamant, and will take it into consideration, too.
Platelets dropped to 7K, so another transfusion is on tap for today. WBc's were at .3 on Tuesday, but slipped back down to .2. Even though he still has a fever, they're stopping the antibiotics for a bit to try to get them to edge upward.
The second gaming session went well again. And we played the first ever April Fool's prank on our unsuspecting Brianna, a confirmed fan of sushi. A few weeks ago, Jordan requested rice krispie treats. They didn't do too much for him after all, but Brianna surprised us by taking a lik
ing to them. She said they look like a food her parents made in the bakery they owned when she was a child. I scoured the internet in search of a tricky snack to send over with Shane for last night's party, and came up with the perfect recipe... mock sushi made with rice cereal. Mwahahahaha, it worked! Brianna got April fooled.
ing to them. She said they look like a food her parents made in the bakery they owned when she was a child. I scoured the internet in search of a tricky snack to send over with Shane for last night's party, and came up with the perfect recipe... mock sushi made with rice cereal. Mwahahahaha, it worked! Brianna got April fooled.Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Waiting
They went ahead with the bone marrow biopsy this morning even though the platelets were only up to 12K. Jordan's fever keeps returning despite infusions of Vancomycin, a broad-spectrum antibiotic, and Caspofungin, an antifungal, both indicated in the treatment of febrile neutropenic patients. He's in good spirits though, and looking forward to tonight's gaming session. He and Brianna have requested the use of a room with a large table for this evening's gathering.
Dr. Z. contacted Dr. Hawkins of Seattle to schedule an appointment, but alas, it could be at least two weeks before there's an opening. The scheduler and I are playing our own little game of phone tag. I also got a call from a doctor at the National Institute of Health yesterday. He asked a lot of questions, and then said he'd probably call back today, after discussing Jordan's case with his colleagues, and let us know if Jordan is eligible for one of their clinical trials. So we keep waiting, waiting for the phone to ring.
Monday, March 31, 2008
No BMB Today
Why not? Jordan's platelets are too low, back down to 10K. HGB is already down to 8.5. He will get transfusions of both again today. The bone marrow biopsy is rescheduled for tomorrow. Fever bouncing around, down to 99.?, then up to 101.? Dr. Z said he'll try to get the Seattle appointment for next week. Ugh. This week. This week!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Our Prayer
Just as we thought he would,, Jordan received two units of packed red blood cells along with the unit of platelets on Friday afternoon. Still, he didn't get that little boost he sometimes gets after a fresh supply of blood products. At first, he thought we were making a fuss about how much, or little, he was eating, but in the last day or two, he agreed that it's a valid concern. He's tried to eat whatever we've prepared, even making suggestions, but he usually takes one or two bites, and he's done. He's not hungry, his appetite is just AWOL! His mainstays have been water, Sprite, ginger ale,, Dreyer's frozen Fruit Bars,, and 3-oz orange and vanilla ice cream cups. Throughout the week, he's nibbled a bit of a pasta dish, a bite of a grilled tuna sandwich, a few grapes, some pretzels, maybe ten peanuts, and he got down a smallish slice of pizza on two occasions. When he drank not one but two strawberry smoothies yesterday, we were cautiously exuberant. Too much sugar, we wondered? This morning we tried a thin soup of chicken broth and potatoes smoothed out by a few seconds in the blender. He got all of it down! Maybe four or five ounces worth! True, it was like taking a big dose of medicine, all for the noble cause of nutrition. But then, oooooooooops, it didn't stay down. Back to ginger ale. And how about some raspberry yogurt? Yes? Good, here you go.
No one looks forward to a bone marrow biopsy, but we hope Jordan's will take place tomorrow nonetheless. We feel we're on a tight schedule, needing to do the BMB, allowing pathologists ample time to process the tissue samples, and then traveling to Seattle before the week is over. Unless Heavenly Father has another plan, a better plan, this is what we're praying for.
At this point, Shane and Brianna and I departed for church, leaving Dan and Jordan with strict instructions to get the labs done before we returned. We anticipated spending a nice, quiet afternoon together, doing some reading, a writing project, a little paperwork, mainly relaxing. When we pulled into the garage, we noted Dan's car was there, and we thought all was going according to plans. While at church, several friends had greeted us happily, concluding that Jordan was home and doing well since Brianna was with us. We tempered the conclusion a little by explaining he was home, but he wasn't feeling as well as we'd all like. When we walked in and Jordan was nowhere to be found, it was a let-down to learn that he hadn't been able to come home because he had a fever. Brianna swiftly gathered clothing, the laptop, books, a little food, and Dan took her to join Jordan for at least one night in hospital. His throat has been slightly sore for a couple of days, so maybe the blood cultures will turn up something this time. For now, he's receiving saline, antibiotics, and TPN, total parenteral nutrition. From Wikipedia: "TPN is the practice of feeding a person intravenously, bypassing the usual process of eating and digestion. The person receives nutritional formulas containing salts, glucose, amino acids, lipids, and added vitamins."
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Here We Go, or Don't Go, Again
Back on Feb. 6th, a time we called our day of desperation, Dr. Z. walked into Jordan's hospital room with a bombshell of an announcement. "I may have to transfer you to Ohio for treatment," he stated, setting off waves of confusion and panic within us. We flew to the phone and the computer in search of treatment options closer to home, only to be encouraged to remain in Boise after all. Seven weeks later, no one so much as batted an eyelash today upon hearing that Jordan may be sent to confer with a sarcoma specialist in Seattle. This time, we are more than ready and willing to go! A consultation with a specialist is far less daunting than being packed off for months and months of treatment in a faraway place, and we have felt all along that we need a specialist on board. So, on Monday, when Jordan goes in for a bone marrow biopsy, we hope to learn more about this possibility. They couldn't recall the Seattle doc's name, only that it was Douglas something or other. A few minutes alone with the internet, and I think I may have found him. Could it be Dr. Douglas S. Hawkins? Stay tuned, for we shall soon see.
Jordan has been especially weak over the last few days, and he continues to be able to eat very little. He's lost another ten pounds, down about 30 pounds since Jan. He has one small mouth sore, and is in the midst of his first brush with thrush. It's in his mouth, and according to the doctor, it could very well be in the esophagus too. He started taking an antifungal, Flucanazole, and from more of our internet reading, he'll try to add a bit of unsweetened yogurt to promote the colonization of helpful bacteria that antibiotics often, or maybe always, destroy. Lots of antibiotics and a weakened immune system make candidiasis almost a given. The doctor also told us that he thinks he's figured out why Jordan was in so much pain last week. It was the Zometa. Humph! He wondered aloud if the high calcium reading was a mistake. Our feeling is that it was not. The calcium level slowly rose throughout the week. Now if the blood chemistry tests had been done every day, we could be certain, with no need for second guessing. We prefer a closer watch on all these crucial blood chemistry, and whatever else they're called, levels. Take LDH for example. We don't understand all we'd like to about it. We do know that when it rises, it's bad news, and when it rises a lot, it's really, really bad news. Oh, I hope that isn't too technical for anyone. Last week, it was at 1100. Today, 1584. Normal is about 200. That's bad news.
Jordan located one of his former role-playing buddies earlier this week, so he, Brianna, and Shane, along with the found friend, Ryan, and his wife, Audra, all enjoyed a six-hour escape into the world of fantasy games this evening. They plan to get together for another round of fun next Thursday. But next up on his agendum, Jordan gets two more bags of platelets tomorrow. They were down to 15K today. Hemoglobin was at 9.4. A little lower, and he'll be needing a serving of packed red blood cells along with those platelets. WBC's are abysmal at .1. We hope Neupogenn does its thing (stimulating WBC production), minus the bone pain!
Jordan has been especially weak over the last few days, and he continues to be able to eat very little. He's lost another ten pounds, down about 30 pounds since Jan. He has one small mouth sore, and is in the midst of his first brush with thrush. It's in his mouth, and according to the doctor, it could very well be in the esophagus too. He started taking an antifungal, Flucanazole, and from more of our internet reading, he'll try to add a bit of unsweetened yogurt to promote the colonization of helpful bacteria that antibiotics often, or maybe always, destroy. Lots of antibiotics and a weakened immune system make candidiasis almost a given. The doctor also told us that he thinks he's figured out why Jordan was in so much pain last week. It was the Zometa. Humph! He wondered aloud if the high calcium reading was a mistake. Our feeling is that it was not. The calcium level slowly rose throughout the week. Now if the blood chemistry tests had been done every day, we could be certain, with no need for second guessing. We prefer a closer watch on all these crucial blood chemistry, and whatever else they're called, levels. Take LDH for example. We don't understand all we'd like to about it. We do know that when it rises, it's bad news, and when it rises a lot, it's really, really bad news. Oh, I hope that isn't too technical for anyone. Last week, it was at 1100. Today, 1584. Normal is about 200. That's bad news.
Jordan located one of his former role-playing buddies earlier this week, so he, Brianna, and Shane, along with the found friend, Ryan, and his wife, Audra, all enjoyed a six-hour escape into the world of fantasy games this evening. They plan to get together for another round of fun next Thursday. But next up on his agendum, Jordan gets two more bags of platelets tomorrow. They were down to 15K today. Hemoglobin was at 9.4. A little lower, and he'll be needing a serving of packed red blood cells along with those platelets. WBC's are abysmal at .1. We hope Neupogenn does its thing (stimulating WBC production), minus the bone pain!
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